Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

A Deeper Connection

A deep connection between a mother and a child is effortless

A deep connection between a mother and a child is timeless, effortless, and eternal...

What impact can a deeper connection create?  Why do I pull away when a gaze becomes magnetic?  What is it about intimacy that is somehow so frightening to me?

As I sensed the love flowing out of the hearts of my beloved audience, somehow, I pulled back…   They noticed.  I tried to recover my body posture and facial expression quickly but it was too late.  I lost the connection…  The feedback I got from my new friend in the audience David Stanford (actor from the TV show Monk) was exactly what I expected.  He told me he felt as if I was not being authentic and I didn’t care about my audience.  Regardless of my true intention, the way I pulled back from getting into a deeper connection made it seem as if I was disinterested in them.  I did not seem genuine and I was in my own stuff instead of being one hundred percent focused to my audience.  It was actually quite selfish of me to not give myself completely to the people I care about…

The whole night I paced around my hotel room and asked myself what happened.  Why would my natural instinct be to disconnect from love?  Why would I hide from affection?  Why would I pull back from connecting to my audience?

What is it about in-to-me-see that scares me so much?

I guess I have always felt a sense of nakedness and embarrassment when people get to know me.  The more they know me, the more uncomfortable I get…  Maybe I’ve never felt that I’m good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough…  What if they judge me?  What if they can see all of my flaws?  What if they don’t accept me for who I am?  …  What if…

As I stood on stage, knowing that all of my flaws are on display under the bright light, I had nowhere to hide…  They could see into me – the very essence of me, the flaws over me as well as all the incongruities within me.  I was displayed under a microscope and I had nowhere to hide…

BUT what if I did not NEED to hide?  What if it is okay for me to be me and for you to be you?  What if we are loved and accepted unconditionally?  If we are totally loved and accepted and safe, would we come out of our shells and be free?  Perhaps only then we can form the depth of connections we’ve always craved…

So many questions…yet I have no definite answers…  Ah…  Let’s just breathe…

Today was day 5 of Presentation and Platform Skills Training at the Christoper Howard Training Company.  This is probably one of the most intense public speaker training on the planet.  As I stood side by side with numerous world leaders and famous media personalities, I knew that somehow we are all unique in our own ways, perhaps we are not flawed at all, perhaps our “flaws” are really beloved features, and just perhaps, we are totally, completely, and unconditionally loved just the way we are…

June 29, 2009 Posted by | Inner Growth | , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Perfect Partner

The Perfect Partner cares, supports, and reflects

The Perfect Partner cares, supports, and reflects

This week while attending the Master NLP Results Certification Training, I have gained a deeper understanding of the perfection underneath the seemingly chaotic world…

Two days ago, as the trainer used a skillfully constructed presupposition anchoring the idea that “we will all work with the perfect partner” during one of the exercises, I laughed to myself in disbelieve.  To me, life has been chaotic and I have often doubted if things are actually “unfolding in divine order” or is it all just a massive quantum soup.  How is it possible for me to find the perfect partner to work with in this crowd of over achievers?  There’s no way anyone would understand what I’m going through.  To me, the perfect partner did not exist.  And all these hypnotic language patterns can trick the mind to believe that “it is all perfect” when in reality circumstances can often be harshly disappointing…

But somehow I wanted to believe…  Maybe somewhere in this quantum soup of potentiality, we do get exactly the perfect set of circumstances for our own healing and growth…  I wanted to believe…

She was my coach…  Blond, thin, graceful, successful and powerful.  She smiled at me when I sat down.  I judged her.  I thought she was too perfect to understand me.  She had the perfect outfit, the perfect smile, and running the perfect company.  She probably never had a misfortune in her life.  She is not me.

Watching my face, she knew what I was thinking but she didn’t mind the judgement.  After passing a few jokes, she looked deeper into my soul while riding on the waves of unstoppable compassion.  There’s something magical about compassion…  It always penetrates all walls – like neutrinos – lack electrical charge, extremely difficult to detect, and consist the ablility to pass through matter undisturbed…  It was this compassion that touched me…  Gazing into her eyes, I felt safe, relaxed and eventually allowed the onset of our healing work together.

My issue was simple – love.  I knew that I had not allowed myself to receive love.  I have built a wall around me so no one can get too close.  Even though I wanted intimacy and connection, I was terribly afraid of getting close to anyone at the same time.   I didn’t allow anyone to get close to me – not my friends, family, nor the kids in my life.  I pull out of hugs way too quickly.  I don’t accept joyously created art pieces from loving 7 year olds.  I switch to a new circle of friends when the current ones get too close.  I can only date guys I am not attracted to.  And I certainly can’t see myself as a good wife or a fabulous mother.  I can be cold, calculating, and sometimes people don’t trust me because I don’t often operate from my heart.  I am an engineer and it shows in my personal relationships…  I knew this is how I kept people away – it protected me and I felt safe within my walls…

Somehow she knew.  She knew me like I was a part of her and she a part of me.  Still riding on the waves of compassion, she worked on finding out the highest intention of my problem part that worked overtime to keep me separate.  The highest intention of the non-problematic part was surprisingly the same.  Within minutes, I could see clearly that both parts of me wanted love, intimacy and connection – and yet they were in conflict with one another on how to achieve that love, intimacy and connection.  As soon as I looked beyond the underlying pain, separation, and coldness my unconscious mind has created – I saw LOVE…  Within seconds, my hands started to move together while I am moving toward a higher level of congruency with myself.  The sun started to shine brightly…  Feeling the warmth of such congruent love, I had no doubt that I could allow these seemingly opposing parts to work as a complete whole…

By the end of the exercise as we completed the Parts Integration with each other – both of us were in tears – finding that we were the perfect mirror for one another.  She was keeping men at an arm’s length while I kept everyone at an arm’s length.  By coaching one another through this intense heart opening experience, we have somehow healed our own difficulties in the process…  And most importantly, she was my perfect mirror – my perfect partner.  I am thankful.

June 19, 2009 Posted by | Inner Growth | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Becoming a butterfly

ending a caterpillar - begins a butterfly

ending a caterpillar - begins a butterfly

Last night I posted the following quote on facebook, many have replied and one really touched my heart.

 

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”                                                                                              –  Richard Bach

 

Message from my good friend Lisa,

 

For the past 3 years, the butterflies come to my home.  There’s a live caterpillar making it’s cocoon on my front door right now!

 

This morning I stepped over a dead caterpillar on my stairs who gave up before he made it all the way to my balcony to dangle with the rest of the cocoons and emerge with wings.  I thought- how sad to give up so soon before becoming a butterfly.  If he only knew the miracle that was just around the corner he might have kept going…

 

XO

Lisa M. van Es
Divine Commerce, LLC
CEO and Founder

 

I want to thank everyone for following my blog as we are all becoming butterflies in our own unique way.  It is a vulnerable but courageous process.  Only through this rebirth we could truly experience our divine radiance that has always been within us.  May we fly together, paint the world together, and enjoy love together.

 

Namaste

 

 

June 14, 2009 Posted by | Death & Rebirth, Inner Growth | , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Pain in Healing

Life can be a sharp needle, cutting into our wounds but healing us in the process.

Life can be a sharp needle, cutting into our wounds but healing us in the process.

As a child, I hated the taste of medicine. The herbal remedies always left a bitter taste in my mouth from the start. It didn’t matter if I knew the healing power behind the bitter taste, I still felt resentful toward it as well as my mother – who gave me that medicine.

This morning as Dr. Revivo adjusted my spine back in place, I felt the sharp pain “he caused”. For a split second, it didn’t matter I knew that he just healed me, I still felt the bitterness in my mouth as I struggled to thank him.

As I walked out of the office of Cardiff Family Chiropractic, I couldn’t help but laugh at how I felt moments earlier. With my neck relaxed, with my strides effortless, and with my body relieved, I knew that I am now feeling much better. So why did I resent the healing? Why did I resent my healer? And why was I so resistant to the process? Perhaps we have always learned that pain is bad and heavier emotions are negative. Perhaps sometimes we are not looking beyond the point of “initial injuries”. Perhaps we have not made the connection that the process of healing can be uncomfortable initially yet this process can offer us the ultimate healing and freedom.

So today, I made a promise to myself – to look beyond the pain and appreciate the healing. This means to thank the sandpaper to my soul, because he really is the sunshine to my soul. I appreciate the gifts you bring into my life (and you know who you are).

June 8, 2009 Posted by | Emotional Freedom | , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Golden Compass

The Direction of My Travel

The Direction of My Travel

As we are traveling on our spiritual path feeling out of touch at times, we wonder if we are still heading in the right direction. We can often feel lost or disorientated when we never received a list of instructions or a well marked map. The world can seem foggy and no matter how many electronic gadgets we purchase, they still can’t give us a sense of direction.

I often asked myself
“Shall I take the right turn or the left turn?”
“Do I listen to my head or my heart?”
“Is it time to push through or move on?”

A lot of times I don’t have the answers but I have secretly wished for a Golden Compass – to let me know if I’m heading Home… I’ve looked into tarot cards, horoscopes, or even the stock market to let me know if I’m still on my proper path in life, but they’ve always failed me. Today, as I looked into my soul, I realized that Golden Compass I had wished for has always been there… It has always been guiding me, but sometimes I just don’t see it.

The anatomy of my golden compass consists of  three major components – the Resonance, the Present Moment, and the Learning. Each of these components are essential for the understanding of the whole operating system and therefore leading to the clear direction of your journey.

The Resonance
Definition: an excited state of a stable particle causing a sharp maximum in the probability of absorption of electromagnetic radiation.
Meaning: The increasing in resonance can be felt by how excited you feel internally. The radiation is God, and the particle is you. As your resonant at an excited state (or higher state), you are closer to God.
Why it is important: It tells you if the external event matches your natural frequency, in other words, if the choice of turning left matches an excited state then it is your path. This “right” choice will excite you, inspire you, and enable your growth.

The Present Moment
Definition: The present moment is the time that is perceived directly, not as a recollection or a speculation. It is often considered as a hyperplane in space-time – called the NOW.
Meaning: The present moment is not based on a memory of anchored belief systems or a fantasy of what could potentially happen at a later time. It is the sensation, the feelings, and the involvement of what is in front of us right here, right now.
Why it is important: Sometimes our vision can be clouded by our memories or our fantasies when we drift into the past or the future. When our vision becomes clouded, we do not see the world as it is and we end up judging the world from a distorted view. This can make a bright path seem dark and fearful or a dead end seem safe and easy. So by being totally involved in the present moment, you are more able to see things for how they are – right here, right now.

The Learning
Definition: The process of acquiring new knowledge, behaviors, skills, values, preferences or understanding through new exposures, observations and experiences.
Meaning: It is the steps or series of events, feelings, and developments contributing to a new understanding.
Why it is important: What we know to be true is always changing and evolving. What I believe to be scary at 5 years old is no longer scary to me today. Our need to repress individualized thinking globally is evolving into differentiated but collective collaborations. The fastest way to reach a group of people a hundred years ago is no longer the same as today. As our world evolves, we need to be evolving with it. Our ability to learn, to gain new insights, and drop old beliefs are essential to stay on track in this ever changing terrain.

My current Golden Compass settings – Resonance=HIGH, Time=NOW, Learning=MED

My Golden Compass has certainly guided me through my dark moments in the past few weeks during my travel. I certainly hope you will be able to find your Golden Compass as well. Learn to read each of the three major components and use them together to guide you through the June gloom. Use these components of your Golden Compass with gratitude. It will enable you to travel safely, joyously, and most importantly, in the right direction.

Safe and exciting travels everyone!

June 2, 2009 Posted by | Inner Growth | , , , , , | 4 Comments