Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

A Revealing Act

Our Critical Nature - "my knees are fat", "I have scars on my legs", "I wish I had more muscles"

Our Critical Nature - "my knees are fat", "I have scars on my legs", "I wish I had more muscles", etc...

“I’m 40 lbs overweight!”

“My legs are short and stubby…”

“I have wrinkles on my face!”

“My arms are HUGE!!!”

“I wish I had flat abs like the models in the magazine…”

“I am pigeon toed…”

“There’s no way I can fit into my prom dress again!”

“I just don’t have the body other girls do…”

“My face is not symmetrical!”

“My chest is too flat…”

“I’m too tall…”

“I’m too short!”

“I’m just not pretty enough!”

Ahhh…  These endless insecurities – always popping up left and right whenever we are, wherever we are.  There are just some days that we just can’t seem to escape another self imposed judgment.  Our insecurities are always hunting us, lingering over us, and keeping us prisoners within these walls of non-acceptance.

My insecurities screamed out loudly two days ago during my photo shoot with OM Photography.  Moriah took a picture of my “fat and stubby” legs before I had a chance to tell her only take pictures of my upper body.  She was quick witted and complimented how sexy my legs and my shoes are.  The only thing I could focus on was how unfit my legs have been since I ended my triathlon career more than 3 years ago.  I disliked my legs and disliked how fat they might look on camera.  It didn’t matter what anybody else said, I had an issue with my own body.

Somehow this photo session turned into a revealing act for me to examine my own insecurities…

Going deeply into my own psyche, I realized that I have always carried around these insecurities wherever I went.  It didn’t matter that I had the best body ever during my fittest days, I was still critical in every way.  It had nothing to do with my body but it had everything to do with me.  It was the way I see myself that mattered!

Remembering the days after I crashed on my bicycle – bloody road rash covering my entire body, swollen purple head the size of a basketball, and not able to move around…  These were the days that I promised to love myself unconditionally.  These were the days that I promised to accept my being for who I am and where I am.  And these were the days that I promised to not judge my work in progress.  And yet how quickly I have forgotten…  How quickly I have forgotten coming face to face with death and yet deciding to live on…  Looking at mysef today, I really don’t have anything to complain!  I have my sight, my voice, my legs and everything else I need.  I am thankful.  I am thankful for my body, for my spirit, and for my soul’s urge to live on.  I am thankful that I am here and ready to make an important contribution to the world.  I am thankful that I am good enough – regardless what the inner critic tells me.

How funny a simple photo session was able to reveal another part of myself that I needed to heal – the insecure child who still thinks that she is not good enough…  Maybe it is time that I can help her understand that she is loved and that she is good enough.  Isn’t time for all of us to tell our inner child “You are good enough, pretty enough, smart enough…  And you will always be – no matter what.”

The deicision is made!  I love me for the way I am – always and forever!  How about you?!

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August 2, 2009 - Posted by | Emotional Freedom | , , , ,

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