Heart Opening Moments

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The Secret Price of Blame

It's always someone else's fault!

It is always someone else's fault!

“It’s all his fault that I’m bankrupt!”

“He is so insensitive to my needs…”

“She triggered my pain with her speech, what a bitch!”

“I wish he would move away so I could be free!”

“She messed up so my job is in jeopardy…”

“If my parents weren’t so awful, I would have been more successful!”

How often do we hear ourselves blaming others for the “misfortune” that just happened to us?  If you don’t blame, I’m sure you have someone in your life who is always blaming the whole world for his or her misfortunes that contributed to endless miseries.  “Only if someone else behaved the way I wanted them to, then I will be happy, rich, and free!”

Well, unfortunately it doesn’t really work that way.  Let’s take a look at Blame Accounting 101.

First of all, when you are blaming someone else, who has the power?  The OTHER PERSON!  You are buying into the belief that he or she is holding the key to your sanity, your happiness, and your power.  So you have given away all of your power to purchase the right to be mad at someone else.

Second, when you are blaming someone else, who is hurting?  YOU!  You are bathing in the toxicity of anger, resentment, and unjustified circumstances.  You might be secretly hoping that the other person would get  hurt because you are mad at them.  Guess what?  Most likely they will not even know that they have done anything “wrong” at all.  So once again, you pay handsomely for the energy drain you personally installed.

Third, what if we didn’t play the blame game at all?  Well, you are still paying a secret price even if you don’t participate.  We say things or act in ways that is true to us.  So sometimes when we are walking down the street, we might bump into someone’s wound unintentionally.  Does that mean we all have to walk on egg shells and stay far away from one another in order to not trigger anyone?  NO!  We are meant to have divine appointments with one another.  Sometimes we are called by the universe to act a certain way or say a certain thing that will bring up pain in someone else’s psyche.  It is all part of the divine matrix.  Only by facing the pain head on, then true healing can finally take place in the heart.  So if you decide to not play the blame game at all, you are still paying a price – the price of none contribution.  When you are walking on egg shells trying hard not to trigger anyone, you are not living authentically and at the same time you are out of integrity.  AND the other person is paying the price staying comfortably in ignorant land.

Sounds like a catch 22?  Well, there is a way out.

So for those of us who still blame others every once in a while, be thankful instead.  Thank those who trigger us for bringing the gift of honesty, the gift of growth, and the gift of healing.  Even at times when we are not ready to consciously admit the gift in our pain , deep within us, our spirit is thankful for the opportunity to heal.

For those of us who get blamed, be compassionate toward the blamers.  They are only crying out in pain for our love and understanding.  Instead of becoming self-righteous, give them the space to gain a sense of clarity before even thinking of jumping into judgment.  Walk away, allow them the space to heal and send loving prayers for their journey.  It is best to be there for them in loving spirit and assist their growth out of sight until they are ready to come back to us again.

Remember, be true to your integrity, take responsibilities, and always choose love.  Good luck on your spiritual journey and be mindful of the energetic prices we pay in life.  Be compassionate to yourself as well as to others.  And don’t forget to SMILE!

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August 31, 2009 - Posted by | Inner Growth | , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. Dearest Flo,

    Great wisdom, we as humans try to reassure ourselves by blaming others when things go wrong. we are forgetting how a few minutes of feeling good when blaming others actually hurts us in the long run.
    No more blame is my new mantra, I will take resposability for my actions.

    Comment by asmita | September 24, 2009 | Reply

  2. Ah, the infamous blame game we all play or have played at one time or another. I am really working on removing that behavior from my life and not allowing others “blame game” to create negative emotional reactions.

    I love Wayne Dyers book the Gifts from Eykis : A Story of Self-Discovery, he uses a similar analogy concerning walking around and touching each others wounds.

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

    Comment by Angel | September 29, 2009 | Reply


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