Erotic Poignance of Life

Femme Glow - Copyright 2009 Flo Li http://www.MicroscopicExpressionsOfSpirituality.com

Erotic Poignance of Life

Have you experienced the energy of an orgasm?
Seeding from the base of your spine
Expanding upward
Leaving traces of tinkles
Then finally exploding through the interior of your heart…

Have you felt the touch of a water drop?
Emerging wetness on a summer day
Embracing every molecule
Kissing every micro
And completely arousing every electron…

Have you sensed the warmth of red wine?
Cold crisp glass against soft tender lips
Slipping against the roughness of your tongue
Oozing its smoky crimson nectar
Devoting all spectrums of its taste in union into you…

Have you inhaled the scent of a white rose?
Longing for your gaze
Shyly whispering incessant perfume
Heartbreaking poignance of courageous brilliance
Lasting beyond the end of time melting into the stars at bay…

Have you lived every moment of the day?
Sinking deeply
Vibrating joyfully
Caressing delicately
Appreciating graciously
Realizing you are dancing in the center of eternity – part of a divine play…

Sensuality

Luscious Sensuality - copyright 2009 Flo Li http://www.MicroscopicExpressionsOfSpirituality.com

She called me a hussy.  “It is spelled H U S S Y – look it up!”  It shocked me initially.  Her anger stabbed me right in the chest.  I couldn’t understand why wearing the mask of a super intellectual engineer, I still gave someone the impression that I was an evil temptress.  The way I dressed was too provocative for the corporate setting she said.  The way I walked was a dance of seduction she claimed.  And of course the way I smiled when I gazed into people’s eyes was a clear sign of my wickedness she insisted.  Her husband was under my spell and she shall urge all the married men to stay away she warned.

I couldn’t stop trembling.  I didn’t believe my free expression of the self could be viewed as such a dangerous weapon.  Women hated me and men blushed when I walked by.  Slowly, I noticed the way I carried myself affected those around me.  I questioned if I might have used my gaze to gain power and control.  I did not know…  Perhaps she saw the real me I never consciously witnessed.  Perhaps my high professional achievement did not come from my prized intellect but instead from my heinous sensuality.  I felt dirty and ashamed.  I was too afraid to walk.  I was too horrified to look into the eyes of another.  I was too distressed to be me.  My heart sunk into a bottomless pit and I hated the despondent sadness starred back whenever I looked into the mirror.  Within two days, I cleared my whole wardrobe and purchased horrid cloaks to disguise the real me.  I started to hunch my back and wore sports bra to contract my cup C breasts.  I purchased unwanted oversized items to conform.  I found ugly flats to match the whole ensemble.  I loathed the face I saw in the mirror.  She was revolting, sickening, and unloved.  One day someone will find out who she really is…  I did not want to be there when it happens.  I hated her.  I wish I could run away…  And so I did…

That was nearly 4 years ago.  I had to destroy my face, my body, and my spirit in order to truly fathom the faulty eyes of her judgement.  Standing in front of the mirror naked, slowly, I see the real me.  Broken, hopeful, innocent, fiery, and sensual.  It is a gift to taste the sweetness of being.  It is a playful tease of nature to savor such divine fragrance.  It is every woman’s right to penetrate the nakedness of her sensuality.

Driven by fear?

Harness the Power of Fear and Choose Courage

Life is not easy – it takes tremendous amount of courage to wake up each day, it takes tremendous amount of willingness to be in the moment, and it takes tremendous amount of intelligence to move through fear.  It is a constant choice to live life awaken or asleep.

This morning I woke up not wanting to get out of bed.  The struggles in my mind began before I opened my eyes.  “What if I find more pain on my journey?”  “What if I disappoint those who support me?”  “What if I am not good enough?”  “What if I don’t deserve love?”  Questions as such might seem silly or non-sensible yet the feeling associated with such fear is real.  Initially I did what I always do – ignored the fear and blindly believe it would go away.  As I quieted my mind for a split second, I noticed no amount of ignoring will make any problem (real or imagined) go away.  I can either deal with it or hide in my safe zone again.

Recently my journey has been tough – much tougher than I expected.  When I embarked upon the spiritual journey, I had originally thought that God was going to make everything peachy again.  Much to my surprise, my world has been turned upside down, inside out, and I can no longer tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined.  Everyday I find myself unsure what is going to happen and everyday I have to reaffirm myself and make the choice to move forward no matter what happens.

Today was one of those days I wished I could just hide out or quit.  I wished perhaps I can just take a little break and be asleep for a bit longer.  I even tucked my head underneath the warm blanket and wished the demand of the day would go away and my sense of awareness would disappear.  I secretly hoped that I could once again live an unconscious life instead of having to face the pain of my choices.  I wasn’t sure if I can bear the heaviness of the load I felt within me.  I did not even want to try.  At this very moment I knew I could either play it safe or play to breakthrough and that choice was entirely mine.  I jumped out of bed and stood in front of the mirror.  I can not let myself down.  I had to make the promise to myself to keep healing no matter how painful the process might become.  As I dove into my morning meditation not knowing if I will find bliss or pain, I stayed intimately against my breath and near my thoughts anyway.  I noticed my subconscious wounds have created my thoughts, my thoughts have lead to my emotions, my emotions have lead to my behaviors and my actions, while my actions have given rise to my current circumstances.  It was me – I was responsible for making the choices I made and the actions I took that lead to where I am today.  It was me –  I contributed to my painful reality.  It was me – I shied away from golden opportunities and kept myself frozen with fear.  I can blame no one but my own ignorance.  Now I know better so I can make a different choice.

This is my choice – Feel the fear and have the courage to live deeply anyway.  My journey has become turbulent, unpredictable, and damn right scary.  But it is up to me to continue a hero’s journey.  A hero is the symbol for courage and I shall harness the power of fear and choose to live with courage.

Laughing Enlightenment

I can see now! (Amorsinlimites by Tania Alcala, copyright)

Laughing Enlightenment

Awakened amid somber night.
Burst of joy!
Incessant smile…
Laughing OUT LOUD!

“I get it!”
It did not come through logic,
But emerged through the murkiness of the night.

” I did it!”
Ah… How the cosmos shifted around to show me my way
That I am a powerful creator.
Darkness turns into sparks of light.
Laugh!

I pretended to be a helpless actress,
Forgetting my role as the script writer.
Laugh!

How hilarious this whole thing is,
How immersed this whole lie was,
How pretentious this whole world lives!
Laugh!

It was I who created my life,
It was I who shifted reality,
It was I who choose to match an easier frequency…
Laugh!

Such sophisticated yet simple intricacies,
Such illusive yet genuine connections,
Such subtle yet profound beauty.

I – was dormant,
Now awakened.
LAUGHING!!!

I Am Ready

If love is safe and certain, I shall jump head first copyright La Vida en Rosa by Tania Alcala

“If I could be certain of your love, from what your words and face display, which often conceal a changing mind;

If external signs revealed what the mind conceals within, so that a person were not so often entrapped by deceit,

I would cast aside this fear, for which, however I tried to protect myself, I would be mocked as simple and unwise…

And if you truly love me, it grieves me very much that you do not reveal yourself by deeds,

as a man who loves truly usually does:

I am sorry, on one hand, that you feel pain, and on the other hand you frustrate me in my desire to satisfy your true love.

…

I am ready to walk in step with you, and I will love you beyond any doubt,

…

My heart falls in love with virtues, and you, who possess so many of them that in you all the finest wisdom dwells,

…

I yearn and long to have a good reason to love you: decide what you think best, for every outcome depends on your will.”

– words of Veronica Franco (translated by Ann Rosalind Jones and Margaret F. Rosenthal)