Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

Sensuality

Luscious Sensuality

Luscious Sensuality - copyright 2009 Flo Li http://www.MicroscopicExpressionsOfSpirituality.com

She called me a hussy.  “It is spelled H U S S Y – look it up!”  It shocked me initially.  Her anger stabbed me right in the chest.  I couldn’t understand why wearing the mask of a super intellectual engineer, I still gave someone the impression that I was an evil temptress.  The way I dressed was too provocative for the corporate setting she said.  The way I walked was a dance of seduction she claimed.  And of course the way I smiled when I gazed into people’s eyes was a clear sign of my wickedness she insisted.  Her husband was under my spell and she shall urge all the married men to stay away she warned.

I couldn’t stop trembling.  I didn’t believe my free expression of the self could be viewed as such a dangerous weapon.  Women hated me and men blushed when I walked by.  Slowly, I noticed the way I carried myself affected those around me.  I questioned if I might have used my gaze to gain power and control.  I did not know…  Perhaps she saw the real me I never consciously witnessed.  Perhaps my high professional achievement did not come from my prized intellect but instead from my heinous sensuality.  I felt dirty and ashamed.  I was too afraid to walk.  I was too horrified to look into the eyes of another.  I was too distressed to be me.  My heart sunk into a bottomless pit and I hated the despondent sadness starred back whenever I looked into the mirror.  Within two days, I cleared my whole wardrobe and purchased horrid cloaks to disguise the real me.  I started to hunch my back and wore sports bra to contract my cup C breasts.  I purchased unwanted oversized items to conform.  I found ugly flats to match the whole ensemble.  I loathed the face I saw in the mirror.  She was revolting, sickening, and unloved.  One day someone will find out who she really is…  I did not want to be there when it happens.  I hated her.  I wish I could run away…  And so I did…

That was nearly 4 years ago.  I had to destroy my face, my body, and my spirit in order to truly fathom the faulty eyes of her judgement.  Standing in front of the mirror naked, slowly, I see the real me.  Broken, hopeful, innocent, fiery, and sensual.  It is a gift to taste the sweetness of being.  It is a playful tease of nature to savor such divine fragrance.  It is every woman’s right to penetrate the nakedness of her sensuality.

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December 24, 2009 - Posted by | Self Realization | , ,

4 Comments »

  1. I loved what you wrote. How susceptible we are to the judgment of others when it is our own self belief that is who we are. I just gained much strength from reading your blog. Please keep sharing your journey. Peace, Dorothy

    Comment by Dorothy | December 24, 2009 | Reply

  2. Flo, it sounds like your inner beauty and your outer beauty are coming back into alignment. Yay!

    Comment by ScottMGS | December 24, 2009 | Reply

  3. Self mutilation is not uncommon in the world except we don’t see it much in the darling cities of SF and SF and LA.

    Comment by James | December 24, 2009 | Reply

  4. such a wise affirmation, thank you

    Comment by ryosborne | September 16, 2010 | Reply


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