Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

For Love or For Fear?

What do you stand for? Love or Fear?

A few months ago I had a short conversation with a friend who was going through a series of struggles but he was not willing to ask for help. He is one of the most brilliant, capable, and loving man I’ve ever met and I often admire how strongly he stands in the face of fear. This time around as he continues to progress on his spiritual journey with more difficult lessons to encounter, even he was caught up in a downward spiral of False Evidence Appearing Real. As I pointed out that in my experience fear resides in the third chakra right in my solar plexus, he quickly disagreed. He believed that fear should be in the base chakra because if one does not have survivals of food and money taken care of, fear is the by product. He honestly believed that fear would go away if his basic needs were met. I did not argue. Knowing that he is more than capable of making a decent living with all the talents he can share in his back pocket. I knew it was his own mind that was holding him back from sharing his gifts with the world. I sensed his outdated believe system needed a software upgrade in order to support his current operating system but it was up to him to make the choice. His argument of circumstances cause fear and not the other way around seemed logical yet it was not intuitive. Intuitively I can “see” that it is the seed of fear that was causing the outward appearance of circumstances. In my opinion, if it were not taken care of ASAP, fear can feed into external circumstances which encourages the growth of even more fear that will eventually end up in a downward spiral of negative emotions to produce further difficulties in circumstances.

Let’s talk about Fear and Love. Fear is often manifested in the forms of depression, frustration, loneliness, anxiety, worry, jealousy, envy, and anger. Love is expressed through courage, connection, inner peace, self-esteem, compassion, hope, and happiness. In her book Emotional Freedom, Judith Orloff, M.D. confronted us with the naked truth – if we don’t make it our business to overcome fear, we better believe it’ll try to overcome us. “Many people are subservient to this emotion, though they may not know it. What underscores fear in all its permutations is the feeling that you won’t be all right. Fear of aging…of rejection…” When we are living within fear, we tend to make “safer” choices because taking a chance means we won’t be all right. Consequently, these “safer” choices are often not the high integrity choices inlined with our highest truth and they are really not the safe choices after all! For example, let’s say I’ve met the most wonderful man and the amount of love he expresses makes me feel nervous. I feel unsafe in his high energy field because his love triggers my insecurities. Even though I want to connect with the high voltage energy field we share yet I don’t allow myself because I fear that I am not good enough to be with him. Therefore I pull away and seek a safer ground and hide my little self without making it too obvious. If he is at all in tune with my energy, he can sense the fact that I’m pulling away. This might cause him to question his worthiness if he is human enough to still harbor some insecurities. In the end, a beautiful potential for mutual growth through a high voltage relationship is suddenly given up because I allowed fear of “not being good enough” to control my life. Another example, when I’m feeling fearful and unworthy, I tend to block the flow of money, love, and energy into me. I would not charge for my services or offer ridiculously low discounts for clients and later find myself struggling to pay for my bills. This feeling also comes from the third chakra of where self-esteem resides. Money and security is connected to a sense of self-worth and self-confidence.

But how do we establish our sense of security and move through fear?

By tapping into our heart chakra. In the forth chakra my ability to love resides. Remember love is expressed through courage and courage is the antidote to fear. In the center of my chest I hold the positive emotions of love, joy, and inner peace. God strategically placed the center of love just above the solar plexus of fear. By rising our energy upward, we can transform the fear felt in the gut to courage experienced in the heart. Between the third and fourth chakras is where our spiritual power becomes manifested into our physical reality. This is a vital connection point. When this connection is blocked, no matter how spiritual we might be, our physical reality will still be painful. Only by connecting the physical and the spiritual, our lives can be truly sensational.

In A course in Miracles we have learned that the opposite of love is fear. Fear causes us to distort our vision and settle for less.  When we settle for less and not living to our highest potential, we rob the chance for others to experience the gifts we have to offer to the world. To be frankly confrontational, I have to tell you the truth–your insecurities is not only destructive to you, it is also destructive to the world. When you are not showing up as your greatest self, you are not being who you are meant to be and you are certainly not living your purpose. The reason you are here is because you are meant for greatness, to transform yourself, and through your transformation shine the light for those around you so they too can transform themselves. By being your bigger self and shine your own light, you can heal the world in unbelievable ways. So when you are busy indulging in your fear and hiding your light, you are not in integrity and not living your calling of true service.

The choice is yours. Do you live for Love or for Fear? In order to transform the core resonance of our planet you need to align yourself with the vibration of the highest truth. I urge you to live a life of divine service–feel the fear and love anyway.

January 26, 2010 Posted by | Inner Growth | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Where I am today

Inner Success Blueprint

Jump up, celebrate our inner success!

The interview with Eiji from Genius Squared Trainings was amazing today. On the call, I delievered 5 simple ways you can use right away to be happier and healthier. It is fascinating that all areas of our lives are connected. So if you work on one part, another part will click in as well. By noticing our body, we can then adjust our mind, and improve our health and happiness, therefore really live our fullest potential. Click on the link below to access the reply from this morning’s call.

How to be happier and healthier in 2010 with these 5 simple techniques!

In this call you will learn

1) How to appear slimmer in 5 seconds
2) How to work on your abs without working on your abs
3) How to reduce your daily stress
4) How to have more satisfying relationships
5) How to feel more loved and fulfilled on a daily basis

I have also launched www.InnerSuccessBlueprint.com which is an improved version of i-Teles without the VC money backing us up. This is entrepreneurship at its core baby! I’m using mostly friends and social networking to take this site live. Take a look at the video and I would be interested to know your feedback and any suggestions for improvements!

January 22, 2010 Posted by | Choices, Emotional Freedom, Inner Growth, World Transformation | , , , | Leave a comment

Gentle Enlightenment

Return to love, God, the source of creation

Eyes closed, looking within…
Moments ceased, releasing into…
Dark, safe, eternal infinite Being.

I am.

It is.

Nothingness is everything.
Emptiness contains all that is.

Is this what I’ve been searching for?
Silent, calm, gentle, ageless, peace.
In union with harmony.
Time and space dissolved
Into eternity…infinity…

Is this immortality?
The place I stumbled upon
Once upon a time
When I bathed in delusion
From a left turn into a right turn
Somehow I stumbled my way back to thy

It is ever present within
Silent, calm, gentle, ageless, peace.

This is home –
The place where everything dwells;
This is I –
The observer patiently watching;
This is emptiness –
The one that gives birth to everything.


January 12, 2010 Posted by | Self Realization | , , , , , | 1 Comment

Pole Dancing and Aikido

Melt into harmony - when a partnership is created between your body and the pole.

After thinking about pole dancing for several years now, I finally took the plunge. My girl friend and I started going to Pole Sinsation the beginning of this year. Initially this new form of physical training seemed awkward and we both felt extremely spastic. For starter, I was too scared to wear the 6-inch heels, so instead I went bare foot. As I pivoted on the ball of my foot while maintaining the strength from my core, my body remembered a similar sensation from Aikido. There was something my body wanted to communicate. I allowed. It went quite for several days.

On Saturday Aikido was tough. There was one move in particular that I still couldn’t do after more than a year of intense training. My initial reaction was to blame my partner. It was the stiffness in his body that made my technique impossible. It was his height that made me overextend myself. It was his unwillingness to connect that made our relationship unnatural… I’ve been walking the spiritual path long enough now to know that I must take responsibilities, yet I couldn’t bring myself to admit my own contribution to the difficulties I’ve experienced on the mats.

On Sunday, Pole Dancing was even tougher. I was surprised how well I was doing last week but Sunday turned out to be a lot worse than I have expected. The pole was so cold and metallic it gave me blisters on my pinkie.  The skin on my thigh was getting stuck because the static friction was too great to complete my turns. The surface of the pole was too slippery on top because nobody bothered to climb up and give it a good cleaning. Finally I noticed how my repulsive thoughts have lead to my dreadful emotions; I began to resent being there and I disliked my body.  So I decided to just give it up. Not giving up dancing, but instead giving up the need to blame.

I know how much I love dancing. I took ballet, jazz, Tang Dynasty dancing, Swing, and sometimes ballroom. I’m definitely not a professional but I’ve always enjoyed dancing on my own because I love the freedom of self-expression. AND because I enjoyed feeling the strength of my own core. But whenever I danced with a partner, I would have to adjust to his style of movement. Being the control freak that I am, I secretly resented how I was not leading and I could do a better job if I was the lead. I told myself that some leads are so not coordinated that I end up losing my own center and stumble over my own feet. Only the days I salsa danced with Andre Paradis, I give up control completely. Those days I felt grounded in my heels and the strength from my center when he executed his famous triple underarm turns. He knew what he was doing as he worked around his own center while staying completely engaged. He choreographed for and danced with Michael Jackson for God sakes! Whenever we disconnected, he apologized for not making adjustments for my body since he was the lead. He graciously took responsibilities.

So how does core strength, making adjustments, taking responsibilities relate to aikido and pole dancing? Well, in both pole dancing and aikido, I have to work with a partner. In pole dancing my partner is the pole that I’m engaged in a physical relationship with while in aikido my partner is the other person I’m engaged in a physical relationship with. In pole dancing, I can see myself more clearly. It would be silly to blame an inanimate object for my failures. In order to move forward, I have to stay grounded and adjust myself.  How is my posture? Am I using my core strength or momentum? Do I clench on too tightly? Is there enough space between my body and the pole? Where do I carry the unnecessary tension? Am I out of my head and totally devoted to my body? How smooth are my transitions when I switch directions? So when I fail, I can blame the pole for not adjusting to my needs or I can take responsibilities and examine myself. All these questions will take me out of my need to blame and bring me back to taking responsibilities again. And in Aikido, being shite, I am responsible to execute the techniques by being grounded, harnessing the power from my own core, and adjusting to the unique composition of my partner. I have to first find where I am, the connection I’ve made with the mats, my body’s centerline, only from there, I can then interact with a partner by moving with his body’s natural centerline. I must ask myself probing questions: Am I grounded? How is my posture? Are the movements executed from my core or from the momentum created by my arms? Do I clench too tightly? Is there enough space between my partner and I? Do I allow myself to melt into him without all the unnecessary tension? Am I maintaining the smoothness of transition by keeping a full connection when I’m heading into a new direction?

Do you notice the similarities? In both cases, your power comes from your core when you engage in any relationship!

So by taking responsibilities, we are staying true to our core, being who we are, making adjustments to the person we are engaged in a relationship with – WITHOUT LOSING OUR OWN CORE! Being in a relationship is not about losing oneself but exerting oneself to blend with another. I’ve seen a lot of difficulties occuring in many relationships wherein one person is making too much sacrifice and thus losing oneself. That is not healthy in friendships or relationships. We will just end up losing our centerline and become resentful. By noticing how I interact with an inanimate partner I can find my own behavior patterns that stands in the way of creating a healthy relationship.

there’s more coming up next time…

January 12, 2010 Posted by | Aikido Wisdom, Choices, Self Realization | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Where is my compassion?

Crying my eyes out

Crying my eyes out...opening my heart...learning compassion... (mom took this picture for me)

Deeper understanding
Valid during several weeks: This quality of time will help you to develop a deeper understanding of those psychological areas that are connected with the experience of pain, suffering and rejection. This influence is especially well suited to so deepening the understanding of these interrelations that the first inklings of how to carry out a healing can be perceived. During this phase it is important to talk to other people who are interested in this theme. This time is well suited to penetrating the complicated connections and dependencies between human behavior, the psyche and early injuries – to differentiate between cause and effect, whether for yourself or for someone who has confided in you.
activity period from middle of December 2009 until end of January 2010

It happened… Something happened so abruptly that it pulled out the rug that I stood on as it turned my world upside down – in the middle of December just as my horoscope suggested. The pain was so quick and unexpected I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. I felt thankful how these cured circumstances reflected  back to me. I felt humbled by the lessons I learned from this process. I even felt it was indeed a huge blessing to experience the deep pain of humanity. Yet at the same time the helplessness, suffering and rejection I felt inside still kept me crying at all hours of the day when no one is around. I can’t seem to shake it off. The worst part of it was that my recently published booked called Happiness By Definition all of a sudden seemed like a lie. I was no longer the happy, blissful social butterfly on the cover of the book – suddenly I’ve turned into an ogre! I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t get myself to snap out of it. I was frustrated, resentful and wished things could change for the better.

This horoscope caught my eyes because I’ve finally experienced the sharp reality of rejection as I am learning to unlock my heart. In the past, I was always smart enough, clever enough or cute enough to get what I want – with my head. I didn’t suffer much when I didn’t get exactly what I wanted because nothing really mattered to me. I walked through life with a sense of aloofness and I thought I was on the top of my game. The truth is I didn’t understand the place of the heart. But lately being on the spiritual path my old strategies no longer worked. The universe had to show me a new way. So all the heartaches happened just in time – in the middle of December – just in time to teach me a lesson before the holidays. Perhaps it was finally time to heal the past wounds with my family before the new year. Perhaps it is time to learn this lesson now so I can understand the depth of humanity. Perhaps I wasn’t supposed to fight the incoming circumstances. Perhaps all these dreadful moments I’m going through is indeed a chance for me to grew into my authenticity. As I gazed onto the tear drops that turned into the perfect shape of a heart, I noticed my ever-changing unconditional love and my ever-expanding sense of compassion underneath the gut-retching pain. For a moment more, I found myself wishing the best for the man who acted as the sandpaper and sunshine to my soul. I saw why I had to fall in unconditional love with him and my love be completely rejected in return. I was in the deepest pain I’ve ever experienced because I have opened my heart. Yet at the same time I felt the tender healing underlying all that suffering, there is a great sense of freedom! As I opened up my heart even more wishing him happiness and true healing, I no longer cared if I was rejected. I just wanted the best for him in whatever he chooses. I can FEEL! I have a heart! I can love unconditionally!

Through this experience, I can relate to others much more sincerely. Because I have been gifted pain and healing, I know how to extend the gift of healing onto others I come in contact with. I am in a better place to help without judgement but with compassion.  I don’t know where my path will lead me. I do know that I will make more conscious choices out of courage, love, and compassion no matter where I go. I will not retaliate out of anger and I will not use anyone else to relieve my pain. I will walk head high, chest forward, with the support of my true integrity and live a life of authenticity.

January 9, 2010 Posted by | Emotional Freedom | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

New Year Resolutions

Looking Forward to a New Year Ahead!

Looking Forward to a New Year Ahead! (grandma at LJ cove)

New Year Resolutions for 2010

1. Be honest within and without
2. Notice fear-based decisions and choose courage instead
3. Forgive self and others for making “mistakes” – they are only learning moments
4. Be more loving, accepting, and gentle with self and others
5. Trust insights, have faith – be less controlling and manipulating
6. Appreciate the learnings in dark moments
7. Stop hiding – keep moving forward with courage
8. Embrace my uniqueness – explore the self with more acceptance and wonder
9. See the goodness in every situation
10. Listen more, react less – live in compassion

Most importantly, I shall live a life of authenticity and compassion.

January 1, 2010 Posted by | Inner Growth | | 1 Comment