What is a “Broken Heart”?

Dealing with the burdens of a "broken heart" can stop the flow of love into your life

What is a “broken heart” and what can help us heal from such emotional trauma?

When we hold grudges against someone, no matter consciously or unconsciously, it hurts us. The pain can sometimes be sharp and other times dull and numb. This undercurrent of pain blocks the flow of love to and from us. We become hard in some way, and that damages us inside, physically, emotionally and energetically. When we refer to a “broken heart”, we are talking about a physical sensation or emotional upheavals in the body. The discomfort is caused by thoughts such as “our partner doesn’t love us any more” or “what if I will end up alone for the rest of my life”. Thoughts and feelings of a “broken heart” are very painful therefore we must armor ourselves against any other possible chances of getting hurt again. This armor is an energetic wall we build up around our heart, ignored for long periods of times can cause further physical problems such as heart diseases.

The problem is really not the heart itself but our fantasies of holding onto the things that are dear to our hearts. Somewhere along our path we bought into the ideas of how things should be. This often involves a happily ever after in love relationships. Changes happen and happily ever after is as real as Santa Claus. When something we hold so dear to our hearts end so abruptly, our whole world is turned upside down as we lose control of our emotions, our lives, and our personal power. We often don’t want to face the fact that our fantasies have been shattered. It hurts too much. It hurts to face the reality of “what is” so we create scenarios of what might happen. “He will realize that he made a mistake and come back to me” or “one day he will regret his decision to leave me and that it will be too late” is the kind of thinking that get us deeper and deeper into our self created drama. Our mind will often go over the stories again and again, running around in circles until we are no longer able to function optimally in our own lives. It is very difficult to let go completely of the people who we feel have hurt us, betrayed us, or abandoned us. Most of us either 1) go on carrying an illusion that one day everything will be ok if we just ignore the pain and our love will be miraculously be rekindled or 2) we carry hate and revenge against anyone who has said something or done something that caused us pain. Both of these are unhealthy and carry a lot of emotional reactions whenever something reminds us of them. Most of times no matter how hard we try to stay positive, focused, and upbeat, the underlying pain is sitting there and always peak its head when we are most vulnerable. Both of these ways are burdensome to ourselves as we put up our energetic wall around our hearts. This way of being offers tremendous amount of damage to ourselves as we are not able to move forward to embrace life and love. It is a terrible thing waiting for life to happen as our self-esteem and confidence slowly corrode away. We never seem to get life started and we fear of wasting our life away yet we don’t know how to move forward.

The only way to really move on is to let go.

Ways to let go
1) See the lessons or gifts they have brought into your life;
2) Heal yourself from past wounds;
3) Slowly let down your heart wall so you can allow yourself to be loved again.

It takes tremendous amount courage to self-examine your life and check if you are holding any grudges that is keeping you stuck. If you do choose to make a decision to let go the past, I have written an eBook to help you heal your “broken heart” the simple way in a step-by-step guide. Please visit www.endHeartbreak.com to download the free eBook. Remember, the process of healing your broken heart is to clean yourself free of burden and become emotionally free to give and receive love in a pure and authentic way. To your success!

Hidden Heartbreak

Hold On or Let Go? The consequence of a hidden heartbreak can dramatically alter the course of your life.

Have you ever gotten hurt on the road of love? Have you ever looked back and still feel yourself being captured by past emotions? Have you thought that you healed yet still feel tied down by your past experiences? Often times on the road of love, there were many hidden heartbreaks we had to endure from as early as our childhood. Most of times we don’t always fully recover instead we find ways to build thick walls around ourselves to keep love away so we no longer have to get hurt. Imagine if a wound so deep has not been fully disinfected while we keep on slapping bandaids to cover it up, eventually the wound will be deeper and cause even more difficulties in our lives.

Recently I encountered a story that profoundly demonstrated the consequences of life in hell due to an unhealed heartbreak. The type of life one could have lived versus the life one chooses to live can definitely become life in heaven or hell.

Dave and Alice moved in together after dating each other for more than 4 years. Dave purchased a car that would accommodate two kids and a puppy. Dave disliked his job. Secretly he disliked himself and thought love could fix everything. He wanted to marry Alice to live a normal American life. Perhaps once he’s settled down, he would be happy. But for now, no matter what he did, he could not find fulfillment in anything. Only moments at a time, he can immerse himself in snowboarding but most of times he struggles with his memory, his finances, and his orderliness. He lives a very strict life with rules and regulations of how things should be. He did not like the people who refused to follow his rules, including Alice. He made sure that she knew her place and the right and wrong ways of doing things.

Alice entertained the idea of becoming a wife and a mom. She felt as if she was settling for less and she told herself that perhaps this is how marriage is supposed to feel like. Alice loved Dave deeply yet she felt as if she was compromising too much of herself to stay in this relationship. She didn’t want this big investment of more than 4 years to fail so she worked very hard to make him happy and did everything to make things work. She cooked like the way his mother cooked. She went to the gym with him to help him bench press. She didn’t see her friends much so she can be with him. She cleaned their apartment and did their laundry. Sex became boring and submissive yet she never complained. She faked smiles to the outside world and told her family and his family that everything was fine. No matter what she did, she realized that she could not make Dave happy and for some reason she will never be good enough for him. She tried even harder. But somewhere in Alice’s subconscious mind she thought, “if this is the ultimate fate of a marriage, I never want to be a part of it.”

Finally after 5 years Alice and Dave broke up. They both cried as Dave moved out of their apartment while Alice helped him pack with tears. He couldn’t love anyone else if he couldn’t love himself he says… She did the best she could yet she still failed she says…

Alice moved on to a new town and lived a new life. She did everything she could to forget about Dave. She worked on healing her emotional wounds and did not date for several years. There were much psychological wounds to be healed on her own. She discovered that incidences from her childhood have contributed to the fact she never set boundaries to maintain who she is when she was with Dave. As she dug deeper, many aspects of herself surfaced that she never knew existed. Those are the aspects that she suppressed in the past. She realized just because Dave thinks something is wrong such as being joyfully expressive it does not mean it is wrong for her. As she began to discover what makes her tick, she found more and more about herself she never knew existed. Now with a new sense of freedom, Alice had consciously chosen a life filled with authenticity – no matter what others might think. She enjoys her new career as a pole dance instructor and the life that seemed so unbearable a few years ago slowly unfolded into such beautiful patterns of miraculous serendipity.

Dave started dating many different women and looked for ways to fulfill the emptiness he felt inside. He did not enjoy the failure of his relationship. And he just wasn’t happy. The pills doctors prescribed for depression took the edge off but he always felt gloomy no matter where he is.  He got a new job hoping not having to be around with difficult people any more but only found himself stuck with a new group of difficult people. They just don’t get him and they are too dumb to understand his logic. The only times he felt good about himself is when women fell in love with him. Dave’s tall muscular physique and his charming personality can get to any women he wanted. He took them home to his beach-front apartment and made them feel special. Within weeks he would always find that they are all flawed just like Alice. Even this new successful stunning model working on her science PhD who he is currently dating is too dump to understand his logic. She did not put the cereal box back the way he liked just like Alice. She let the water splash around the sink like Alice did. She certainly disrespected his property by putting her finger prints on the wall just like Alice had always done. There seems to be a conspiracy around him to attack and destroy him. Dave made a decision that he must breakup with his new arm-candy and move on again.

What happened? Somehow Alice moved on into a beautiful life she truly enjoys while Dave seemed to move around in circles to endure heartbreak after heartbreak.

This is the consequences of unhealed wounds. As you can see, Alice started to work on her inner transformation to create a truly extraordinary life. Whereas Dave tried to do everything he can possibly think of on the outside in hope to feel better within. We have all been on both sides. Sooner or later another Botox injection or a gorgeous new dress just won’t do the job anymore. In order to move forward in life, we must let go of the past. I hope this story will inspire you to look deeper into your own life and see which part of you needs attentive healing. Have the courage to find help and move on to live an extraordinary life. Isn’t it worth to you?

If you are interested to learn more about the tools to let go and move forward in your love life, come to our workshop Saturday Feb 27th, 2010 in San Diego. More support can be found here with free eBook and webinars.

Out of Darkness and Into the Light!

This morning as we performed in the choir at Unity, I saw the blissful experience on the faces of the audience when Rev. Wendy delivered messages of Joy. As we opened our hearts and allowed the music to flow out of ourselves, something magical happened. Something invisible yet undeniably powerful happened. The sun came out while it was raining. Effortless smiles resurfaced on so many faces. Individuals were touched and the choir got standing ovations song after song. We were amazed ourselves. To be honest, this time around, we didn’t have enough people in the choir and the sound system was not working as we stepped into rehearsal at 7am.  Yet somehow after our morning prayer together and letting go the fear of not being good enough, we simply opened our hearts and let it be. Somehow, some way, some form it all worked out so seamlessly.

When I came home, I remembered the looks on a few faces before and after the morning service. The contrast of despair when they walked in and the glowing joy when they walked out seemed nothing short of miraculous. I couldn’t help but to think what can I do to bring forth yet another form to help people bridge the gap to find their way home again–the way back to joy. So I decided to reformat my book Microscopic Expressions of Spirituality into a video and matched with the music I wrote. The amount of energy I got while working on this project was amazing. I was no longer in my head and I once again experienced my own joy spending more than 5 hours nonstop! And for hours 6 and 7, I posted the video on facebook and youtube so others can have access to a little piece of inspiration that uplifts them out of darkness and bring each of us back in the light!

I hope you will enjoy it! If this video has touched you, please pass it forward! Thank you for being a source of light.