Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

A Second Chance in Life

love sunset heart

When was the last time you were truly intimate with life? When your inner experience of life becomes beautiful, life becomes beautiful.

What would you do if life gave you a second chance?

I got a second chance in life after a cycling crash that nearly took my life exactly six years ago. As I was laying on my death-bed, I couldn’t stop thinking how I have been asleep through life all these years.

Back then, I worked very hard intellectually. My life looked wonderful externally but internally I was slowly dying. I was able to think but unable to feel. I lived life through calculated strategies instead of heart-based compassion. I didn’t care enough to slow down, I plowed through everyone and everything. That cycling crash during my half-ironman race was probably the necessary call to finally wake me up.

Here is a journey entry I wish to share with you during moments of awakening…

May 13th, 2006

 I haven’t had any food for more than a week now.  I took a quick look at my naked body in the mirror as mom helped me to get to the toilet.  I was thin when I trained for the tri – at 5 feet 4 inches and weighed a healthy 124 pounds.  Now my body looked sickly with my breasts empty, arms weak, and tummy caved in. I could barely recognize this deformed stranger in the mirror.  The swollen head, the puss filled bloody cheeks, the missing eye brow, the uncovered popping eye-ball, the endless black stitches covering my face, the inside out lips… I silently wished that someday I will be able to take a shower again and someday I will be able to wear clothes again…

The good news is I’m able to walk a few steps now.  I can get from the bathroom to the bed with mom’s help and I am even proud of each step I took.  I have been using the left side of my body mostly because the wound on the right side of my lower extremities.  It works!

In the past, I never appreciated the simple gesture of sitting on a toilet.  Now since I need another’s help to even find the edge of the seat while placing my painfully wounded bottom on the seat, I finally began to realize how much I have taken for granted in the past. 

I never truly appreciated the simple things in life.  Such as being able to speak, to walk, to see, to eat, to sit down, to use my arms, to smile, and to hug…  As I was lying back down on my bed, I felt my tears rushing down into the pillow.  I thought with the 40 stitches in my mouth, I might never be able to feel a kiss again…  The thought devastated me.  I wish I had opened my heart and experienced love courageously.  I wish I treasured every step I took.  I wish I enjoyed every smile I gave.  I wish I savored every hug I received.  Now the chance of being able to do all these simple things seemed so far away…

  

Today is May 7th, 2012. I gave a long sincere hug to a friend’s father this morning. I embraced the cool sea breeze caressing my face. I felt the warm sand between my toes. I smiled at a stranger and he gave a smile to someone else.

Today, I am alive.

Advertisements

May 7, 2012 - Posted by | Death & Rebirth, love | , , ,

6 Comments »

  1. Wow. I recall reading about the fact of the accident itself… but had no idea of the extent of it. And you did this on a bicycle? I didn’t even know that was possible.

    You are proof of a living being’s capacity to heal.

    Comment by Daryl Sawyer | May 7, 2012 | Reply

    • Hi Daryl, yup, nature has this incredible ability to heal. I’m amazed and glad that the higher intelligence is at work in the most mysterious ways.

      Comment by Flo Li | May 9, 2012 | Reply

  2. “Sail on Silver Girl,
    Sail on by
    Your time has come to shine
    All your dreams are on their way

    See how they shine
    If you need a friend
    I’m sailing right behind
    Like a bridge over troubled water
    I will ease your mind”

    Simon And Garfunkel Bridge Over Troubled Water Lyrics
    (Thought it might make sense Flo)

    Comment by Frank Seidl | May 8, 2012 | Reply

    • beautiful Frank. I treasure you, my friend.

      Comment by Flo Li | May 9, 2012 | Reply

  3. Reblogged this on Fancy Nancy says…. and commented:
    This is so beautiful a must read. ~Nancy

    Comment by nancynywoman | May 9, 2012 | Reply

    • Thank you Fancy Nancy! ♥

      Comment by Flo Li | May 9, 2012 | Reply


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: