Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

Why I Write

my reason to write is to experience love

my reason to write is to experience love

I grew up reading lots of books.  Lately I have noticed that the source of my issues with love and my struggle to open my heart did not always stem from my parents (even though I have often blamed them), my issues really stemmed from unsupervised reading.

We did not have a lot of money to purchase books when I was young.  My desire for books could only be fulfilled by endless trips to the library – finding whatever is available on the dusty bookshelves.  It was a blessing and a misfortune that I had the ability to read novels such as “Gone with the Wind” by Margaret Mitchell and “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen at the age 6.  However, my reading materials have also tinted my beliefs about what love is how love is suppose to be through modeling the characters within these drama filled books – which I took to be the words of the bible.

As Erik Erikson’s psychosocial development model suggested that around age 5 is when the initial stage of the ego development occurs.  During this stage, we are capable of learning new skills and knowledge as well as developing a sense of industry. This is also the beginning stage of social development when we form moral values and ideas of how the self relates to others.  You can imagine, reading books during this time with the messages such as “love is pain”, “love is a struggle or even death” and “love has no happy endings” is probably not healthy to a maturing psyche.  This is precisely why I have created dramas in my personal relationships and could never seem to succeed on the road to love.  Somehow I became a character in a novel instead of writing and living my own story.

So, enough psychoanalysis, what am I going to do about my tinted beliefs about love?  How can I write my own story and create happy and successful endings and beginnings?  And knowing that I have being building layers of walls around me to protect myself from being in love, what can I do to dissolve these walls?  And while I learn to break down this self inflicted boundaries, how can I help others to do the same?

This is why I write.  I write to heal that part of myself longing for a deep connection.  I write to be touched by the love within that has always patiently waited for me.  And I write to create my own truthful fair tales with endless happy beginnings.

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