Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

A Follow-up on Forgiveness

The Little Soul and the Sun

The Little Soul and the Sun (A Children's Parable by Neale Donald Walsch) illustrates the purpose of experiencing darkness in order to find the light.

A few days ago I got an email from a reader of my blog. Seemingly confused, he wanted to clarify what he had read in the post A Forgive-ful Christmas. At first I laughed to myself because forgiveness is such a simply yet difficult concept that most of us spend our lifetime digging away the rough carbon to find the real diamond. Like formation of a diamond, we too can find our inner diamond by not shying away from heat and pressure but instead using them to find our true glow.

His request was simple: “Question please… In your writings you mention that during your martial arts, you are aggressive, attacking, and defending, yet at the end you BOW to your opponent as a means to say [thank you] for what has happened, could you please help [me] understand this logic? I am [in] sales and I go hard for the deals and sometimes, I don’t have a closure. I love your writing around this, I just don’t fully understand the complete meaning. Thanks, J.”

My answer might be slightly complex so I will do my best to stay true to my heart by sharing the heat and pressure of my own experience.

My first conscious experience of forgiveness was during a personal-development seminar with Christopher Howard. On stage, Christ illustrated a beautiful children’s parable called The Little Soul and The Sun. This story began with the Little Soul found that he is the Light. But he also wanted to experience himself being the Light. The only problem was there were no easy ways to experience himself when “there is nothing but the Light.” God had a wonderful idea to allow the Little Soul to experience being the Light by the use of darkness. “Then God explained that, in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear … You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow.” Little Soul then selected a special part of the Light to experience called Forgiveness but didn’t know how the simulation would take place. So the Friendly Soul jumped up to volunteer as darkness and do something really bad to the Little Soul on earth so the Little Soul can experience himself as Forgiveness. Initially the Little Soul couldn’t understand why the Friendly Soul would become dark to do something against his true nature as the Light to help the Little Soul. ” ‘Simple,’ the Friendly Soul said. ‘I would do it because I love you.’ “

With no conscious understanding of what had hit me, I bursted into tears before Christ can finish the whole story.

The next conscious experience of forgiveness I can remember took place during a conversation with a friend named Sandra. She confessed to me she had so much stored up anger and sometimes she can feel her chest caving in. She was dealing with a divorce where her husband left her for a younger woman. The anger was consuming her and whenever a younger beautiful woman walked by she would switch to her devil eyes glared with judgment. At the same time I was feeling guilty because my loving nature had caused some people to believe that the love I gave was more than platonic and I didn’t understand love enough to communicate it otherwise. And that became the catalyst that drove one couple to the edge of divorce where I was perceived as the angel who helped them to face therapy turned into the devil who nearly broke their marriage. The circumstance was the husband contemplated getting a divorce and he conversed with me intimately about his life-long feelings whereas the wife believed his emotional intimacy with me was an affair she cannot forgive and it broke her heart.

As Sandra and I opened up to each other played the parts of the wife and the other woman, we were able to see the hidden suffering in each other’s story. For Sandra her marriage was who she was. When she got married in her early 20s she had quit her job to take care of the house and a new baby. When the child grew up and left for college she no longer remembered who she was before her marriage. She spent her time cooking and cleaning while feeling more and more empty. The passion between her and her husband was gone and she projected onto him the anger she felt for herself. Secretly she wished she had done something more with her life. She was not satisfied being only the mother and the house-wife. She was mad at herself for giving up her career for the family. She eventually opened up to me and spoke responsibly, “in a way I’ve always dreamt escaping this jail I built for myself, now after the divorce I am finally free!” A year later after our conversation she had stopped blaming her ex for her dissatisfaction in life and re-entered the nursing program and became a nurse at the age of 50.

As for me, I saw the pain Sandra had to go though and I felt an intense sympathy for the wife who accused me of an affair and I forgave her for attacking me. In the past few years I’m slowing forgiving myself for being the Love that I am as I’m learning to communicate the difference between romantic love and platonic love. Because of the wife’s upset to my emotional intimacy with her husband, I am now protecting myself by my certifications in the art of psychological therapy occasionally working as a life-skills coach.

The third experience I’m sharing is of good humor. Similar to the post A Forgive-ful Christmas I was told to throw a full punch in martial arts training. As you know in martial arts one of us pretends to be the attacker so the other partner can learn the self-defense technique. Only this time I couldn’t throw a punch into the gut of a friend who I love very much. I didn’t want to inflict pain in cause the punch was not blocked. “Stop!” Sensei yelled out, “you must attack like you are really going to hit her.” I told him I didn’t want to as tears filled up my eyes. Sensei took us both aside and spoke in a softer tone, “if you only throw soft punches then she will never be able to learn. If she doesn’t move in time and gets hit, the next time she knows to move faster. Now train!” We ended up training with tears in our eyes. Nowadays I don’t take it easy on her and whenever we do hurt each other we scream out “ouch!” and after that we giggle together.

Looking back, I have learned so much from my past experience. I don’t pretend to be the expert in forgiveness but I have certainly noticed this: whenever I feel the emotions completely from a painful experience without getting stuck in the mode to blame the other, I move forward with a greater understanding beyond circumstances to kick-start my psychological healing. Finally I naturally see the good in the painful experience and always end up thanking the person for giving me the gift of heat and pressure so I can find my true glow. Did you notice the words in “for giving me the gift” contains forgive? Hmm, interesting…

February 16, 2011 Posted by | Aikido Wisdom, Emotional Freedom, Inner Growth, love, Self Realization, Tears | , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

The Secret Price of Blame

It's always someone else's fault!

It is always someone else's fault!

“It’s all his fault that I’m bankrupt!”

“He is so insensitive to my needs…”

“She triggered my pain with her speech, what a bitch!”

“I wish he would move away so I could be free!”

“She messed up so my job is in jeopardy…”

“If my parents weren’t so awful, I would have been more successful!”

How often do we hear ourselves blaming others for the “misfortune” that just happened to us?  If you don’t blame, I’m sure you have someone in your life who is always blaming the whole world for his or her misfortunes that contributed to endless miseries.  “Only if someone else behaved the way I wanted them to, then I will be happy, rich, and free!”

Well, unfortunately it doesn’t really work that way.  Let’s take a look at Blame Accounting 101.

First of all, when you are blaming someone else, who has the power?  The OTHER PERSON!  You are buying into the belief that he or she is holding the key to your sanity, your happiness, and your power.  So you have given away all of your power to purchase the right to be mad at someone else.

Second, when you are blaming someone else, who is hurting?  YOU!  You are bathing in the toxicity of anger, resentment, and unjustified circumstances.  You might be secretly hoping that the other person would get  hurt because you are mad at them.  Guess what?  Most likely they will not even know that they have done anything “wrong” at all.  So once again, you pay handsomely for the energy drain you personally installed.

Third, what if we didn’t play the blame game at all?  Well, you are still paying a secret price even if you don’t participate.  We say things or act in ways that is true to us.  So sometimes when we are walking down the street, we might bump into someone’s wound unintentionally.  Does that mean we all have to walk on egg shells and stay far away from one another in order to not trigger anyone?  NO!  We are meant to have divine appointments with one another.  Sometimes we are called by the universe to act a certain way or say a certain thing that will bring up pain in someone else’s psyche.  It is all part of the divine matrix.  Only by facing the pain head on, then true healing can finally take place in the heart.  So if you decide to not play the blame game at all, you are still paying a price – the price of none contribution.  When you are walking on egg shells trying hard not to trigger anyone, you are not living authentically and at the same time you are out of integrity.  AND the other person is paying the price staying comfortably in ignorant land.

Sounds like a catch 22?  Well, there is a way out.

So for those of us who still blame others every once in a while, be thankful instead.  Thank those who trigger us for bringing the gift of honesty, the gift of growth, and the gift of healing.  Even at times when we are not ready to consciously admit the gift in our pain , deep within us, our spirit is thankful for the opportunity to heal.

For those of us who get blamed, be compassionate toward the blamers.  They are only crying out in pain for our love and understanding.  Instead of becoming self-righteous, give them the space to gain a sense of clarity before even thinking of jumping into judgment.  Walk away, allow them the space to heal and send loving prayers for their journey.  It is best to be there for them in loving spirit and assist their growth out of sight until they are ready to come back to us again.

Remember, be true to your integrity, take responsibilities, and always choose love.  Good luck on your spiritual journey and be mindful of the energetic prices we pay in life.  Be compassionate to yourself as well as to others.  And don’t forget to SMILE!

August 31, 2009 Posted by | Inner Growth | , , , | 2 Comments