Heart Opening Moments

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Driven by fear?

Harness the power of fear

Harness the Power of Fear and Choose Courage

Life is not easy – it takes tremendous amount of courage to wake up each day, it takes tremendous amount of willingness to be in the moment, and it takes tremendous amount of intelligence to move through fear.  It is a constant choice to live life awaken or asleep.

This morning I woke up not wanting to get out of bed.  The struggles in my mind began before I opened my eyes.  “What if I find more pain on my journey?”  “What if I disappoint those who support me?”  “What if I am not good enough?”  “What if I don’t deserve love?”  Questions as such might seem silly or non-sensible yet the feeling associated with such fear is real.  Initially I did what I always do – ignored the fear and blindly believe it would go away.  As I quieted my mind for a split second, I noticed no amount of ignoring will make any problem (real or imagined) go away.  I can either deal with it or hide in my safe zone again.

Recently my journey has been tough – much tougher than I expected.  When I embarked upon the spiritual journey, I had originally thought that God was going to make everything peachy again.  Much to my surprise, my world has been turned upside down, inside out, and I can no longer tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined.  Everyday I find myself unsure what is going to happen and everyday I have to reaffirm myself and make the choice to move forward no matter what happens.

Today was one of those days I wished I could just hide out or quit.  I wished perhaps I can just take a little break and be asleep for a bit longer.  I even tucked my head underneath the warm blanket and wished the demand of the day would go away and my sense of awareness would disappear.  I secretly hoped that I could once again live an unconscious life instead of having to face the pain of my choices.  I wasn’t sure if I can bear the heaviness of the load I felt within me.  I did not even want to try.  At this very moment I knew I could either play it safe or play to breakthrough and that choice was entirely mine.  I jumped out of bed and stood in front of the mirror.  I can not let myself down.  I had to make the promise to myself to keep healing no matter how painful the process might become.  As I dove into my morning meditation not knowing if I will find bliss or pain, I stayed intimately against my breath and near my thoughts anyway.  I noticed my subconscious wounds have created my thoughts, my thoughts have lead to my emotions, my emotions have lead to my behaviors and my actions, while my actions have given rise to my current circumstances.  It was me – I was responsible for making the choices I made and the actions I took that lead to where I am today.  It was me –  I contributed to my painful reality.  It was me – I shied away from golden opportunities and kept myself frozen with fear.  I can blame no one but my own ignorance.  Now I know better so I can make a different choice.

This is my choice – Feel the fear and have the courage to live deeply anyway.  My journey has become turbulent, unpredictable, and damn right scary.  But it is up to me to continue a hero’s journey.  A hero is the symbol for courage and I shall harness the power of fear and choose to live with courage.

December 21, 2009 Posted by | Emotional Freedom, Inner Growth, Tears | , , , | 7 Comments