Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

Enlightenment – Selfless, Nothingness

A lot of people have the idea that their life will become perfect after Realization. The general consensus seems to be asking “what can Enlightenment get me?” as well as believing “after Enlightenment I can finally be happy, rich, free and everything will be the way I want it.” There’s this unspoken knowing when one spiritual seeker speaks to another that this Enlightenment is a finish line we spend our whole entire life chasing after, and somehow if we just cross that finish line everything will magically be the way we want it to be.

Unfortunately for the ego, Enlightenment has nothing to do with getting what you want. (damn!) The ego always thinks of ways to satisfy the self, ways to make the self look better or appear more competent. To the ego, there’s no point in attaining anything if “I can’t get what I want.” Unfortunately Enlightenment is about being self-less, it is about being no-thing.

A few years ago when I was introduced to Isha Yoga, I was spellbound by the beauty of my yoga teacher. She walks with grace effortlessly, she is touched easily, and the gentleness of her inner strength glows powerfully. She is beautiful not because of what she wears or how she looks on the outside, instead, there is this being-ness that softly embraces all that is. People knew she is different, only a few possessed the awareness why. On the day I met her for lunch, we were walking across the parking lot and I noticed the way her silk dupatta flowed in the wind. Catching my gaze, she smiled and said, “life is just as such, when you finally know what you are, you are free.” I looked at her with puzzled eyes and searched for the meaning of what she just said, “so do you know what you are?” She laughed and the vibration danced while the falling leaves swirled in the wind, “I am nothing, I now know that I am just a big no-thing!”

That incident stuck with me for a long time and my mind couldn’t grasp the importance of what she said. Only in the last year as Enlightenment came as a thief in the night and stole my identities, was I finally beginning to know the importance of such simple Truth. For me, awakening was just the beginning. My first awakening happened 7 years ago by accident and since then a series of smaller awakenings happened here and there. The last major awakening happened last June and July for more than two weeks as every night I went to sleep knowing that I will die. Usually the next morning I woke up and I did not recognize myself. Initially the thief only stole my identities at night, yet within days I could just sit on the balcony to watch the hummingbirds as I felt my internal software being deleted bit by bit. It was all happening way too fast and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I watched myself dying. I watched every bit of it. I couldn’t make it to my appointments and I didn’t answer emails or phone calls. I didn’t know who I was or what was happening. I didn’t even know how to communicate with myself nor anyone else.

During the last big awakening, the mind was the first thing to wake up. It realized that my whole entire life was a lie. Everything I thought I was and everything I held onto with dear life was all just an illusion. It is not to say that life itself was not real, but the illusion is that my perception of life was completely faulty. Everything I thought to be true was in fact just a twisted perception. And how amazing I’ve lived 33 years of my life that way! Then the following months as I turned 34, I could feel my heart opening up like a lotus flower. Bit by bit I could feel this overwhelming presence of love – love for life, love for truth, love for all that is. I could be deeply touched to tears in any situation – from the beauty of nature to the healing power of an argument. Now as I am going even deeper I’m beginning to feel Truth glide down into my core, into my heart. This energetic movement of Truth is pushing out anything that is still untrue within me. It feels like when Buddha awakened and all the demons appeared to challenge him. This is bound to happen. This is when light purposefully seeks out all the darkness that still remains within. And it gets very ugly when it hits the core. All of our core beliefs and misunderstandings of life will pop up in the external world or even appear in dreams. To face such an event is no small feat. All I can do is be present, be intimate with this moment, intimate with truth as well as untruth, intimate with light as well as darkness. I give witness with my mind, heart, and spirit to all as I sense deeply the gravity of karma pulling light pushing. I don’t always understand exactly what is happening at the time but as I allow myself to be completely intimate with this moment I can feel my inner self clearing up. The clearing holds me in a space that I will be likely to understand Truth, less likely to distort light.

Enlightenment is a process, not an end in itself. The process continues as we can embody more and more light within us. As we let go our ego’s wants and desires we naturally align with the true desires of nature – the desires of God. I’ve been holding a smile on my face, not because I’ve gotten everything I want, instead, I want No-thing. I am No-thing. Yet unknowingly by being No-thing I inherited Every-thing under the sun. I too understand now the “big No-thing” my yoga teacher spoke of. All is well. All is well without the ego trying to justify, fix, or grasp. All is well. It is we who need to wake up and see the Truth. After Realization life does not become perfect in the way ego has imagined, instead we open our eyes to see what has been true all along – life is beautiful, from the beginning.

"Enlightenment is a spiritual enfoldment process - take your time to savor the journey." - from the last page of Microscopic Expressions of Spirituality

“Enlightenment is a spiritual enfoldment process – take your time to savor the journey.” – from the last page of Microscopic Expressions of Spirituality

Advertisements

April 1, 2013 Posted by | Death & Rebirth, Enlightenment, Inner Growth, love, Self Realization, Tears, World Transformation | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Price of an Open Heart

4 Love

Opening the heart allows the intensity of consciousness to flow through - let us experience the depth of becoming. (Fractal art title - 4 corners of love - copyright http://www.FloLi.com)

The Price of an Open Heart

The blissful and accursed price of consciousness,

Once realized can never retreat.

Every choice creates harmony or distress;

Every breath emanates love or contracts fear;

Every thought conscious or unconscious slices through life to heal or to separate.

How material and uncaring ignorance once lived!

Now the pain of knowing…

The desire to stay within blind achievement darkens the sky.

NEVER!

Walk on… this path is a rightful duty of mine.

Let the sword cut.

Let the body trumble.

Let the heart cry.

To live is to know.

To love deeply and intimately within life is to live with an open heart.

This path is mine.

November 18, 2009 Posted by | poetry | , , , | Leave a comment

The Meaning of Intimacy

Intimate closeness can open up the beauty of one's true essense

Intimate closeness can open up to the beauty of one's true essence (in-to-me-see)

Why do people feel uncomfortable with intimacy?  What is it about the in-to-me-see process that can be so intimidating?  I’ve always been afraid of intimacy.  The word itself can send chilling goosebumps down my spine.  There’s something uncomfortable about being intimate with myself or let along a huge audience.  Why do I feel this way?  What exactly is intimacy anyway?

Today I took the liberty to look up the definition of intimacy from Merriam-Webster.  (Intimacy is the state of being intimate.)

Intimate (transitive verb, adjective, verb)
1 a: intrinsic, essential b: belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature
2: marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the law>
3 a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association <intimate friends> b: suggesting informal warmth or privacy <intimate clubs>
4: of a very personal or private nature <intimate secrets>

After chewing on the above meanings through my sleep cycles, an AH-HA moment came to me through a flash of thought as soon as I opened my eyes from my morning meditation.  Intimacy is indeed in-to-me-see!  A warm friendship or a sense of familiarity is the result of in-to-me-see, a result of seeing one for one’s true nature instead of judging one by that person’s surface behaviors, the things one does, or the constructed masks one wear.  The people we see on a daily basis all play a role in their lives from moment to moment.  I am the bioengineer, the business consultant, the author, the student, the teacher…  These are merely the roles that I play in my so called life.  Another person might be playing the role of an angry driver, and yet does that really mean he is just that?  He is more than that.  The next moment when he gets home, he might be the world’s most loving father, the smartest professor, or the coolest 4th of July chef.

Hmmmm…  Interesting…  Does that mean beyond the surface, there is a deeper layer of beauty we all possess?  YES!  Indeed.  By having the courage to see deeper, the willingness to know oneself truly, and the acceptance of our divine nature, we can use intimacy as a tool to experience an even greater spirituality!  Just as the speech of Nelson Mandela indicated, you are a child of God.  Only by in-to-me-see, we can then experience our true essence – our divine nature.

Today on the evening of July 4th, I would like to gift you a special speech written by Marianne Williamson.  May you have the courage to look deeper and shine brightly!  You are worth it!

July 3, 2009 Posted by | Inner Growth, Self Realization | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments