Your Identity and Your True Self

My normal morning routine of yoga and meditation with Baby dog by my side. (photo by ig – @fotografiablu)

Have you ever experienced how others perceive you will determine how they will treat you? And how you “appear” externally will determine how they will perceive you? In the end, does how you “appear” externally truly reflect who you really are?

Normally I have a spot I like to do my morning yoga in the park next to the canyon with my dog Baby. There are several workers in the area working to build a new playground. We often communicate with each other in passing with a “namaste” kind of sincere smile.

Over the years I have gotten showered with sincere kindness and greetings no matter where I am as I walked in my own state of peace and gratitude after morning yoga and meditation practice. This has become the norm.

A few days ago, my body was feeling the effects of the flu. Instead of doing yoga that day, I took the dog out for a quick walk around the block. As I walked pass the workers, feeling the same kind of love I have always felt, I naturally smiled to them in the same way I always did. To my surprise, none of them responded.

Initially I was shocked why all of a sudden the workers I have said hello to in the past months did not recognize me. Then when I got to the mirror – I did not recognize myself. I looked completely different under the spell of the flu. My face was swollen, my eyes could barely open, my hair was flying into my glasses as my glasses were falling half way down my face. I looked like a poor homeless woman with a dog! By all means, this is not meant to be judgmental in any way. It is merely an observation. The most interesting part is, while the external being looked somewhat out-of-place, yet this internal being, the ever-present peace, love and gratitude felt stronger than ever. I couldn’t help but ask myself, when do people perceive you as the real you and when do people perceive you as the mask you wear?

Going even further, I wanted to ask you, when do you perceive yourself as the real you and when do you perceive yourself as the mask you wear? And have you lived in your mask so long that you now believe you are that mask?

In the coming months, I will be conducting an experiment with a local photographer to answer these questions. My goal is for you to see how you feel physically, emotionally is only the external mask – what defines who you really are is that eternal being within. I look forward to your experience, comments, and contributions.

Namaste – I adore the divine in you.

The Moment of Awakening

life is but a series of elusive dreams… isn’t it time to wake up?

People walking around wearing masks hiding their soul. Believing the masks are their true face. Thirsty for a deep well that can satisfy their yearning. Secretly hoping to fly free…

Each day she wakes up in the morning thought she had woken up from a dream yet not knowing that she still lives within another. She walks up to the mirror to put makeup on her mask. Finds the right shade of rose to paint the lips. Picks up the outfit that presents the day. Floating with thoughts and emotions, she questions if she were her mind alone. Looking out the window, she wonders if everyone else was pretending to be somebody too. “Someday I feel like I’m acting in a dream,” she says, “knowing my superficial layers must appear surreal.”

One day as she drives in her car and feels a complete sense of Oneness. She is the One. She is everything and nothing at that same instant. There is no different between her, the car, the road, the trees, the birds and the sun. She is completely a part of all that is. Amazed, she looks down at her own hands and smiles like she never seen these hands before. She inhales and finds fullness in all that vast space. “Oh there, a thought!” Yet how insignificantly it passes like a snail on the path of a garden. “I am not the body, nor the mind!” The experience is unmistakably true – PURE essence – without the contamination of believing every passing thought. Just light, just being, just spirit. “That is what I am.”

“What a dream it has been! Nearly 100% of life was just an illusion – lived in an endless loop of thoughts, beliefs and derived emotions – repeating itself in a wheel of karma. False beliefs tying us down. Wake up a little friends! WAKE UP! Come and dance to a new song as Gods! We’ve been asleep for too long!”

She exhales. And sees the masks floating away. She smiles. And notices the smile of a Buddha. She looks within. And sees the whole universe throbbing within her. “This is it! This is the moment of awakening.”

~ ♥ ~

“I suddenly realized I was as much the sound as the bird as the one hearing the bird, that the hearing and sound and the bird were all manifestations of one thing. I cannot say what that one thing is… I opened my eyes, and I found the same thing was happening in the room – the wall and the one seeing the wall were the same thing… At that moment, consciousness–spirit–realized it had been so identified with all these forms that it really thought it was a form right up to this lifetime.” – Adyashanti, from the book Emptiness Dancing

~ ♥ ~

Cast off the tattered robes that stain your soul! Open yourself to Heaven’s dictates and shine brightly! – Morihei Ueshiba, from the book The Essence of Aikido

~ ♥ ~

If you hear the word “Buddha,” you may think in terms of Gautama the Buddha. But Gautama is not the only Buddha; that was not his second name. His name was Gautama Siddhartha, and he became a Buddha. Buddhi means “intellect,” or the logical dimension of your mind. Dha means “one who is above.” So, one who is above his mind is a “Buddha.” – Sadhguru, from The Huffington Post

Let the Tears Flow

"Tears sometimes cleanse the heart and ready it for deeper love." - Bob Luckin (Artist, Co-Director at Spiritual Enrichment Center, Sr. Minister at International Centers for Spiritual Living)

“Crying is for Wimps.” So I was told. But they didn’t tell me where to put my anger, my sadness and my sorrow…  I hurt. My body, my mind, my emotions… Sometimes I felt as if my chest was caving in and I must run away before my heart explodes. Other times I wish I had a strong man to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be alright. This time I could not run nor use a man to rescue me. This time I am alone.

So I cried. Loud. I screamed out my sorrows from the depth of me. I saw my tortured soul burning in the sea of agony. Her pain ran into the dark abyss. I wanted to pull her out but didn’t know how. So I cried… The waves of hailing tears went on and on… And the end was nowhere near.

I cried for my heartbreak, I cried for not being good enough, I cried for my fears, I cried for my neediness, I cried for my physical pain, I cried for my inability to love freely, I cried for my suppressed feelings, I cried for my failures, I cried for my longings, I cried for my disappointments, I cried for stepping into potholes, I cried for being unkind, I cried for always getting myself into storms of emotions, I cried for my loneliness, I cried for misunderstandings, I cried for hurting the ones I love, I cried for my confusion, I cried for my desires, I cried…

I asked myself if feelings were wrong. Yet how could something so natural and so raw be wrong? If it weren’t wrong then why can’t I show it freely? If I can feel so much hard twisted suppressed pain within me then do you feel the same pain? If I have spent so many years suppressing my true feelings then do you suppress them too? If I only smile to the world and secretly lock away my truth do you do the same? If we all suffer then who is going to rescue us from descending deeper into the abyss? Why do we have such violent feelings? Why can’t I stop crying? … Analyzing my pain only brought up more self-inflected misery. So I discarded my intellect, peeled off my cloth, laid on my back and watched the tears flow.

Naked. Exposed. Raw. This is me. The uncut version.

I feel deeply. I love passionately. I sense intensely. This is me. The truthful version.

I pretended I didn’t care. I acted I didn’t bleed. I toughed it out to demonstrate I am doing just fine. But I am not. That is not me. You only saw the mask and thought that was the real me.

I cried for all the untruth I showed to you, I cried for all the rejected feelings within me, I cried for all the masks I wore, I cried for all the egoic games I played, I cried for alienating you, I cried for the old wounds that still hunt me, I cried for the hope that someday I can show you how deeply I love, I cried for the longing to express my truth, I cried for us and the freedom within reach…

Two days of tears. Two days of storms. Wind. Thunder. Hail. I am still here, somehow standing calmly within the storm. No need to run. No need to hide. The ice melting. A smile softening into the tears. My heart is beating. Regardless of the storm, I am calm. I am here. I am free.

The Meaning of Intimacy

Intimate closeness can open up to the beauty of one's true essence (in-to-me-see)

Why do people feel uncomfortable with intimacy?  What is it about the in-to-me-see process that can be so intimidating?  I’ve always been afraid of intimacy.  The word itself can send chilling goosebumps down my spine.  There’s something uncomfortable about being intimate with myself or let along a huge audience.  Why do I feel this way?  What exactly is intimacy anyway?

Today I took the liberty to look up the definition of intimacy from Merriam-Webster.  (Intimacy is the state of being intimate.)

Intimate (transitive verb, adjective, verb)

1 a: intrinsic, essential b: belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature

2: marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the law>

3 a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association <intimate friends> b: suggesting informal warmth or privacy <intimate clubs>

4: of a very personal or private nature <intimate secrets>

After chewing on the above meanings through my sleep cycles, an AH-HA moment came to me through a flash of thought as soon as I opened my eyes from my morning meditation.  Intimacy is indeed in-to-me-see!  A warm friendship or a sense of familiarity is the result of in-to-me-see, a result of seeing one for one’s true nature instead of judging one by that person’s surface behaviors, the things one does, or the constructed masks one wear.  The people we see on a daily basis all play a role in their lives from moment to moment.  I am the bioengineer, the business consultant, the author, the student, the teacher…  These are merely the roles that I play in my so called life.  Another person might be playing the role of an angry driver, and yet does that really mean he is just that?  He is more than that.  The next moment when he gets home, he might be the world’s most loving father, the smartest professor, or the coolest 4th of July chef.

Hmmmm…  Interesting…  Does that mean beyond the surface, there is a deeper layer of beauty we all possess?  YES!  Indeed.  By having the courage to see deeper, the willingness to know oneself truly, and the acceptance of our divine nature, we can use intimacy as a tool to experience an even greater spirituality!  Just as the speech of Nelson Mandela indicated, you are a child of God.  Only by in-to-me-see, we can then experience our true essence – our divine nature.

Today on the evening of July 4th, I would like to gift you a special speech written by Marianne Williamson.  May you have the courage to look deeper and shine brightly!  You are worth it!

My Urge to Strip

My Urge to Strip

I’m tired… I broke down and cried to grandma this morning. She is one of those people who never felt the need for her mask to be lifted. She does not understand. She suggested to me that I should use the power of will and stand strong.

In our family, we are comfortable wearing our masks and a thousand layers of intellectual clothing. We are clever and manipulative. We have always been clever enough to hide the real us with some humorous comments or an external distraction. That does not make things easier on the inside. I know we feel so heavy carrying layers of protection. Sometimes I wonder if all that extra weight we carry is really good for our health. Would I feel lighter if I shed the mask and these old layers of protection?

I’m tired… Tired of being who I am today… Tired of wondering what else life could be… Tired of planning… Tired of acting… Tired of everything… I wonder if my ex-boyfriend ever saw the real me… I wonder if I ever saw the real me…

I’m tired… Tired of pretending… Tired of acting… Tired of living… I see myself floating on an endless ocean without a life vest. Just floating… I can’t help but  wonder what would it feels like to take off my masks and layers of protection…

Would I cease to exist?