Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

A Second Chance in Life

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When was the last time you were truly intimate with life? When your inner experience of life becomes beautiful, life becomes beautiful.

What would you do if life gave you a second chance?

I got a second chance in life after a cycling crash that nearly took my life exactly six years ago. As I was laying on my death-bed, I couldn’t stop thinking how I have been asleep through life all these years.

Back then, I worked very hard intellectually. My life looked wonderful externally but internally I was slowly dying. I was able to think but unable to feel. I lived life through calculated strategies instead of heart-based compassion. I didn’t care enough to slow down, I plowed through everyone and everything. That cycling crash during my half-ironman race was probably the necessary call to finally wake me up.

Here is a journey entry I wish to share with you during moments of awakening…

May 13th, 2006

 I haven’t had any food for more than a week now.  I took a quick look at my naked body in the mirror as mom helped me to get to the toilet.  I was thin when I trained for the tri – at 5 feet 4 inches and weighed a healthy 124 pounds.  Now my body looked sickly with my breasts empty, arms weak, and tummy caved in. I could barely recognize this deformed stranger in the mirror.  The swollen head, the puss filled bloody cheeks, the missing eye brow, the uncovered popping eye-ball, the endless black stitches covering my face, the inside out lips… I silently wished that someday I will be able to take a shower again and someday I will be able to wear clothes again…

The good news is I’m able to walk a few steps now.  I can get from the bathroom to the bed with mom’s help and I am even proud of each step I took.  I have been using the left side of my body mostly because the wound on the right side of my lower extremities.  It works!

In the past, I never appreciated the simple gesture of sitting on a toilet.  Now since I need another’s help to even find the edge of the seat while placing my painfully wounded bottom on the seat, I finally began to realize how much I have taken for granted in the past. 

I never truly appreciated the simple things in life.  Such as being able to speak, to walk, to see, to eat, to sit down, to use my arms, to smile, and to hug…  As I was lying back down on my bed, I felt my tears rushing down into the pillow.  I thought with the 40 stitches in my mouth, I might never be able to feel a kiss again…  The thought devastated me.  I wish I had opened my heart and experienced love courageously.  I wish I treasured every step I took.  I wish I enjoyed every smile I gave.  I wish I savored every hug I received.  Now the chance of being able to do all these simple things seemed so far away…


Today is May 7th, 2012. I gave a long sincere hug to a friend’s father this morning. I embraced the cool sea breeze caressing my face. I felt the warm sand between my toes. I smiled at a stranger and he gave a smile to someone else.

Today, I am alive.

May 7, 2012 Posted by | Death & Rebirth, love | , , , | 6 Comments