Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

Freedom from Untruth

Are we covering ourselves with a shield of untruth masking who we really are?

Are we covering ourselves with a shield of untruth masking who we really are?

Unlike how I’ve imagined, after awakening, our identification and attachments don’t melt into thin air in the snap of a finger. I’ve heard incidences that a few people can work through their karma load easily and quickly, but for most, it takes dedication and the help of grace to clear out all the remaining untruth. Once we’ve witnessed the truth and know in the depth of our being that we are consciousness itself, anything that is untrue tends to float to the surface so we can take a closer look with an open heart.

Last year I found myself unable to lie. This happened right after my explosive weeks of awakening. I walked down the street and saw how people pretend to be asleep and they soak themselves in the lies they created. It is almost like a fantasy bubble – each and every one of them protects themselves in it. People are attached to their stories and like to tell their stories – in a way they define themselves with their past and what they believe in. For a while, it was very difficult for me to relate as if I were a newborn and I didn’t have a past. My senses could only be rooted in what is happening now that I didn’t have a story even if I searched for one. I didn’t mind listening to other people’s stories as I deeply felt what they were going through. When it was time for me to share something about myself I couldn’t conjure up anything at all. My past seemed insignificant in comparison to the present. To me there is only the present and nothing else. Yet nearly everyone around me lived in the past or was aiming for a fantasy future. At the time I thought if people truly become intimate with one another based on their attachments, beliefs, or even their shared hopes for the future, I will no longer be able to experience intimacy with people on that level again. There were moments of grief. For a while, I tried to push myself back in the game of pretending again, unsuccessfully. Every time I would say something out of alignment with the truth of the moment my body would feel so twisted up inside with nausea that I had to admit my mistake and move back to complete honesty again.

It has been one year now. What I’ve noticed is our body and our energy are all affected by the untruth we tell ourselves on one level or another. If I were to believe that I am not well, my body would shrink down, I would slouch a bit, and react in such a way to match my belief. This identification with the belief actually comes even before the appearance of a thought. In a way, any identification system formed the structure that allowed us to grow up in an environment safely. Early in life when we had to navigate our environment  it served a purpose – kept us safe. As we progress on our spiritual path these structures might become too constricting or ill-fitted altogether. Like a big fish in a small pond, as the fish grows in size, it needs to find a bigger pond – a more suitable environment. The same goes for us. As we grow physically, emotionally, spiritually to our full potential, our old structures might no longer fit. This is when struggles or internal conflicts might occur. In a way, like the ever expanding universe, we are growing beyond old dimensions, so somehow, with awareness, we need to uncover the structure we need to let go, and melt into the new truth of NOW.

When we speak of untruth, it really refers to a false identification of our past belief structure that’s outdated. This is where psychology and spirituality can co-exist as we bring awareness to see what is not true that is creating discomfort within us. I have a beautiful fuchsia plant. She is tall, beautiful, slightly timid in full pale pink blossoms. Because she grew up within a structure that limited her upward growth, she twisted herself around the obstacle in order to get a glimpse of the sun. She had to bend her spine in order to survive. One day, I gently moved her away from that confining structure and give her a much bigger home with plenty of sun, food, shade, and water. Within a few days, she had miraculously straightened her spine and opened up herself to new heights. She no longer looked timid, but instead, she enjoyed her newly found freedom.

We too are as such. We are also just a part of nature with an innate ability to adjust to each moment anew. Yet, it is our attachment to old identifications that holds us in our old patterns unable to fully express our wholeness. Some might call it ego-identification, egoic nature, false beliefs, etc. Either way, as we progress we must reassess our current state without the clutter of old definitions that hold us back. Whenever we find ourselves contracting or shrinking down physically or energetically, we can use this opportunity to examine what we are still holding onto that is no longer true. Often times by seeing our identifications without judgement we can remember why that particular structure served us once upon a time. And how it was useful at the time. By seeing it with compassion we can then move into a more clear space of the now, with clarity to let go if that is the truth of the moment.

Some spiritual paths help us to strengthen our inner truth to push out any untruth. Other spiritual paths help us uncover untruth and polish clean ourselves to surface one’s true nature. For me, it has been extremely helpful to do both at various times. For a while, life took me onto a path with incredible grace as if the whole core of my body is filled with strength and light that is growing in size, pushing outward. Other times I feel uncourageous and small, yet with the awareness to sense the origin of these feelings, I was able to find and let go untruth – and to fully breathe again.

June 17, 2013 Posted by | Choices, Death & Rebirth, Enlightenment, Inner Growth, Self Realization | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The Meaning of Intimacy

Intimate closeness can open up the beauty of one's true essense

Intimate closeness can open up to the beauty of one's true essence (in-to-me-see)

Why do people feel uncomfortable with intimacy?  What is it about the in-to-me-see process that can be so intimidating?  I’ve always been afraid of intimacy.  The word itself can send chilling goosebumps down my spine.  There’s something uncomfortable about being intimate with myself or let along a huge audience.  Why do I feel this way?  What exactly is intimacy anyway?

Today I took the liberty to look up the definition of intimacy from Merriam-Webster.  (Intimacy is the state of being intimate.)

Intimate (transitive verb, adjective, verb)
1 a: intrinsic, essential b: belonging to or characterizing one’s deepest nature
2: marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the law>
3 a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association <intimate friends> b: suggesting informal warmth or privacy <intimate clubs>
4: of a very personal or private nature <intimate secrets>

After chewing on the above meanings through my sleep cycles, an AH-HA moment came to me through a flash of thought as soon as I opened my eyes from my morning meditation.  Intimacy is indeed in-to-me-see!  A warm friendship or a sense of familiarity is the result of in-to-me-see, a result of seeing one for one’s true nature instead of judging one by that person’s surface behaviors, the things one does, or the constructed masks one wear.  The people we see on a daily basis all play a role in their lives from moment to moment.  I am the bioengineer, the business consultant, the author, the student, the teacher…  These are merely the roles that I play in my so called life.  Another person might be playing the role of an angry driver, and yet does that really mean he is just that?  He is more than that.  The next moment when he gets home, he might be the world’s most loving father, the smartest professor, or the coolest 4th of July chef.

Hmmmm…  Interesting…  Does that mean beyond the surface, there is a deeper layer of beauty we all possess?  YES!  Indeed.  By having the courage to see deeper, the willingness to know oneself truly, and the acceptance of our divine nature, we can use intimacy as a tool to experience an even greater spirituality!  Just as the speech of Nelson Mandela indicated, you are a child of God.  Only by in-to-me-see, we can then experience our true essence – our divine nature.

Today on the evening of July 4th, I would like to gift you a special speech written by Marianne Williamson.  May you have the courage to look deeper and shine brightly!  You are worth it!

July 3, 2009 Posted by | Inner Growth, Self Realization | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments