Heart Opening Moments

BLOG of a Spiritual Stripper

Healing in Confrontation

Aikido Wrist lock

Aikido: welcoming an attack, face the confrontation and choose the path of peace

On Saturday as Sensei and I worked on Shomen Uchi Nikajo Osae Ni, I found myself moving to the side when he attacked. I tensed up expecting having to put up a fight. After a year and a half of Aikido training, my body still reacted in an aggressive way. I wanted to distract him and take him off balance as soon as we made contact. I did not wish to face the expected confrontation. I wanted to move on and ignore the strike.

Yes, I often avoided confrontations.

As I spoke my concern to Sensei, he suggested that whenever a strike comes my way, I speak the words “thank you” to uke and allow the true gratitude to sink into my body. I tired. The words were forced and felt inauthentic. “Why should I thank someone who is about to attack me?” I asked myself. Logically I knew I am truly thankful for life’s little needle pricks that often ended up healing me in someway yet instinctually I cannot instantaneously be thankful for the expected attack. Instinctually I wanted to put up a fight or run away. Instinctually I cannot embrace the strike aimed to harm me. And instinctually I reacted instead of asking my body to act with clear choice based on connection toward a peaceful resolution.

I found more hidden aggression and manipulation within my body as the weekend progressed. I started to recognize how often I avoided confrontation in order to remain in the illusion of safety. I noticed most of times I distracted an expected attack hoping to avoid confrontation instead of courageously heading into a peaceful resolution. I realized I’ve always manipulated the situation so I can remain nice and agreeable instead of dealing with the facts.

As my tears started to dribble down my cheeks, I felt the impact of avoidance – with so much wasted drama and energy. Sometimes I have hidden from facing confrontation by running away from opportunities. Other times I avoided confrontation by half heartedly agreeing with untruth while manipulating it to conform instead of sinking deeper into my core truth. Recently, as my mother disagreed with my choices and started to create emotional drama to guilt trip me into submission, I did not remain strong in my core. Instead of saying no to her unconscious manipulation, I acted out what she wanted in order to make her happy – I avoided speaking my truth. In the end, so much of my energy was channeled into counter manipulations and I felt exhausted in the process while losing my own integrity.

I couldn’t help but think can saying “thank you” to an expected attack really help me in life. Can a peaceful resolution really result from the willingness and gratitude to connect to an attacker? In my gut I know the answer is yes as I have seen it over and over again – yet I still question if this concept is as reliable as gravity itself. Can Aikido truly be the tool that could transform the aggressive consciousness of our instinctual nature and bring us into harmony?

The body says yes.

May 24, 2010 Posted by | Aikido Wisdom | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Inner Evolution for World Transformation

The power of love is infinite

The power of love is infinite

We’ve all done plenty of personal development and spiritual work throughout our lifetime. Does any of that actually matter? Does our own internal evolution send an uplifting aroma to the outside world? Does our loving conscious actions improve the well-being of our society? I’ve heard numerous claims such as “inner evolution for world transformation” from various leading edge spiritual teachers but I never truly believe it myself. How could the little subtle things I do within me make any difference to impact the world? That seemed not only improbable but it was almost narcissistic. Of course someone would make such a claim – in order to appear important!

Nevertheless, somewhere deep inside of me wondered if it is at all possible. If I’m loving,would the world become more loving? If I’m compassionate, would others become more compassionate as well? If I’m happy, would all the people around me live in that happiness as well? … The endless possibilities boiled within me and my curiosity wanted to know more. If at all these narcissistic claims are possible, how would I experience it or even capture that data?

I finally decided to conduct an informal scientific experiment – at the airport. I knew I had to find something to keep me intrigued while waiting in the endless lines at LAX, so why not make use of that time wisely? The objective – to find if my sincere openness and loving smiles would allow others to be more open and loving. The time – 6pm, May 6th, 2009. The place – LAX. The subjects – anyone I can naturally strike up a conversation with.

Subject #1 – The curb side assistant
Input – I smiled at him openly and nodded my head to acknowledge his presence.
Result – He quickly smiled back and started running to help me with my luggage.
Input – I said “thank you” sweetly.
Result – He glowed with love and said “you made my day sweetie.”

Subject #2 – The airport security
Input – I acknowledged him with my eyes as I walked pass him seeing the beauty inside of him underneath his hard emotionless professional mask.
Result – He softened and started to glow with happiness. Everyone around him seem to have been hit by this magnetic radiation as well without realizing what just happened. As I watched him from afar, all of a sudden he was giving helping hands to the elders and giving directions to the lost – with a sincere smile on his face! He later enthusiastically waved to me as I walked by the second time.

Subject #3
– The old lady in line behind me
Input – No one was conversing in line so I decided to strike up a conversation with the old lady behind me – with a smile.
Result – Laughter and smiles somehow penetrated each person like a domino effect. All of a sudden people were talking to each other about the weather, about traveling, and about secrets to happiness! Within 5 minutes, we were all introducing ourselves to one another and I’ve gained 10 new friends in the process.

Subject #4 – The carry on security check lady
Input – “Gosh, it smells like feet here!” I exclaimed with such intensity.
Result – She was grumpy and soon started laughing and replied “I wonder why?!” Suddenly she passed on my comment to several other attendees near by and we all started laughing.

Subject #5
– The Segway police officers
Input – “Awesomeness!!!” I exclaimed as I check out their new toys.
Result – Three Segway officers and I started chatting. One of them offered the other’s Segway for me to test drive. But we realized the security cameras are on, so someone would get in trouble if I actually got close to the Segways. They did give me demos such as the figure 8, two Segway dance, and top speed up a ramp. It was totally radical! By the end we were all laughing so hard and glad to be working our abs in the process.

SO – that was how I spent an hour of my pre-boarding time in LAX – conducting my experiments and having a blast!

Conclusion: My positive attitude and loving smiles do have an extraordinary impact on the world around me.
Discussion: I have asked why this was the case. Does that mean as I heal myself – through inner evolution, my state of being becomes more positive and fun loving naturally? Does this act  turn another opportunity for others to experience the warmth radiating through me? Does the power lie within the authenticity of my beingness? What is the scientific basis of this conscious infection? As I dive into this subject, there are only more questions floating to the surface. More experiences are needed for a greater conclusion and I hope we can all gather as much data as possible.

I hope you will conduct your own experiments and see if your attitude and actions have an impact on your world. I would love to hear about your experience during your own research on the quest of “inner evolution for world transformation.


May 6, 2009 Posted by | World Transformation | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment