Welcome to Reality

At 27 years old, like almost everyone, I lived in endless mental clutter. There’s never enough time nor energy to do the things I wanted nor take care of the things I needed. Work, relationship, friendships, occupied most of my mental space. Somehow I just couldn’t catch a break. Life was a struggle even with a house, a man I was about to marry, the perfect job I loved, and paid travel which I’ve always dreamt of… Everything seemed perfect – except something was missing. And I didn’t know why.

Of course life had its usual ups and downs – going after what I want, living up to other’s expectations, taking care of distraught friends, having to appear a certain way physically and emotionally, etc… I was non-stop on the go, and life was too exhausting to count the burdens…

One day I was driving on the freeway, and my mind was going insane with all the noise upon noise like layers of broken records all playing at the same time and each with loud emotional signatures trying to grab my attention and I thought I was about to set off a nuclear explosion… Out of complete desperation I screamed – “STOP!!!”

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Somehow it all stopped.

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There was only –

Silence.

Peace.

Presence.

– Fulled with a vibrant quietude.

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For a few seconds I couldn’t find myself.

There was only Contentment, Perfect Clarity, and Pure Serenity.

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Driving was still happening. The freeway didn’t change a bit. But somehow I was NOT moving.

Yes, other cars were moving relatively. But somehow the center that I called “I” was at a stand still. Nothing was moving yet everything was how it was – in perfect harmony. The body moved naturally to turn the steering wheel and everything was just happening by itself.

The only thing missing – actually – the biggest thing missing – was ME – that self importance of constant chatter which always dragged my attention elsewhere – so I was never actually HERE – in this MOMENT – in the NOW!!!

A deep sense of relaxation washed over my body.

And a grand voice said, “Welcome to Reality.”

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Forgive me as words limit the description of what actually happened that day. Some of you might sense a direct transmission. Others please know I am failing greatly but trying my best to share.

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Years later I came to realize that most of us only live in our psychological worlds. Each of our own psyche forms a unique world onto itself. We seem to keep a bubble around us and our thoughts and projections are private only to us. Most of our interactions are shallow interactions formed in a mind-word communication bridge. As if each of us walk through life with a mask on. That mask is not only on the face but all around us. It covers up who we truly are. We only share our masks with one another – and these masks are what we imagine ourselves to be – build by thoughts, prejudices, preferences, experiences, education, and the list goes on. So when we want to form a meaningful bond to feel the warm of another, yet our thick masks only allow us to get so close before we crash, hurt the other, or get hurt.

At that time in my life what was missing was a sense of depth I was hoping to find but didn’t know how to reach it.

I never married the man my parents adored – both of us did not have the ability to reach the soul level which demanded that we both drop our masks to show our true selves. We were the best adventure buddies but neither of us lived in Reality.

Like the book The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz – we are all diseased – but since it is so normal no one really talks about it. Yet on the other side of the coin, all the world’s spiritual texts only point to one thing – to cure this disease – and to live happily in Reality once again.